Just remembering a few more things that came up over the two days.
One thing, H stated himself that he had a single and a double bed up at his place. He said he never used the single bed, he might get rid of it, but earlier when we had all that argy bargy about OW1 and D's sleeping arrangments, he wrote in a rage that I had the luxury of a big flat, that he didn't, but he had a bed for D all along...
When playing cards, he kept talking about his character - always taking risks (being impulsive) and not being a consolidator. He would rather cut and run than stick around to clean up his messes, ever, in his home life, relationships, financials, even with physical objects, I have never known him to do a repair, just dump the object.
(Here's a tale that illustrates our two characters. He once bought a pair of expensive 'techinical' gloves, as he likes to call things made out of fancy materials. From an outdoor clothing shop. In the days when we didn't have much moeny at all. He used them for a while, and then the seams started coming apart, so he threw them in the bin. I found them, did a painstaking repair job on them. When he caught me with them, he got angy, and said, I threw those away! I said, I know, and I picked them out and am repairing them! Then months later, I was using them and he said quite annoyed, those are MY GLOVES! And being the nice person that I am, I said, OK, here they are, you wear them! He couldn't even remember throwing them away. Can you credit it?)
When I asked him if he was ever going to face these things, he told me it was his problem, I wasn't some guru or something and not to patronise him. I couldn't help pointing out that it did have some bearing on those around him. These things seem not to have entered his head.
When I told him how hurt I was when he ignored, or worse, swore at me when I had a bad back, he admitted that he couldn't handle the fact that he had married an energetic, fit person, and he couldn't cope with any neediness or weakness. What does this say about the man? Should I just drop him like a hot brick as so many people advise?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
