I just got a call from H "to discuss vacations plans". Last weekend I sent up a little invitation card with D for H to come and spend Christmas and the day after here with us. I limited it to two days, thinking it would seem like a boundary, it could be interpreted to be "for D's sake", no pressure from me to play happy families if he didn't want to. He accepted.
Then I sent him an email yesterday to ask about arrangements for the rest of the holidays. I thought I might go and stay with friends if D goes to H's over the New Year.
So anyway, H calls this evening. He says, when do you want me to come down? Which day is Christmas? (No Mr Advance Planning here!!)
I said, it is on the Saturday, D finishes school at midday on Thursday, why don't you come down on the Friday?
He said, OK, and when shall I stay till?
I said, well, stay till the Monday or Tuesday....
H says, I am going to leave my computer back home, I don't want to have to think about doing any work for a few days.
I said, well, come and spend a few days here if you would like, so he said, OK, I'll stay till Wednesday or something. I said, fine.
Then he said, well.... and made a sort of sigh. I said, what? He said, I am just shivering, believe it or not.
I said, where are you?
He said, in the house.
Then he said, bye.
Somehow I got the feeling it wasn't just pure cold, but maybe I am assuming again.....
D is due home soon, I will get her to call her Dad, if he needs a bit of cheering up.
I so want to reach out to H, but because I think he still blames me for everything bad in his life, like having to live where he does, he might not take kindly to it, he might feel he is being 'patronised'. Got to tread carefully. Detach, but be kind and loving.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
