LNL - lots of ASSumptions in that last post of yours. So much so that you missed the positive - him accepting your invitation.
As for those slippers - buy dd a pair for Xmas that are even more appealing - then in a couple of months, make sure the ones from OW get "lost" (or just encourage dd to wear them out in the mud ). Or let her keep them at her dad's place. Yuck.
Face it - you are feeling blue because you are ASSuming too many things and letting your EXPECTATIONS get in your way. The key to a great PMA? Building an exciting life of your own that you are excited about, loving detachment from H, getting out and flirting a little bit with OM (amazing what it will do for your PMA to be reminded that other men still find you attractive).
I figured your visit to my thread was invitation to join the party over here - and with all those festive decorations you put up, who could resist.
I'm sorry to hear how Blue you are. Upcoming holidays can certainly be hard for all of us - holidays are hard on most people and in our delicate state - especially difficult. Here's sending you powerfully good wishes!
I've been reading back a bit on your threads and you've been through the wringer. And with 2 OW's H has no room to be jealous of anything you might do. I need to read up a bit more - but know that I'm a big supporter in any way that I can be! Totally
Your idea for D to keep them up at her Dad's is a brillilant idea! Only, I have to keep pestering D to keep ANYTHING on her feet on our tiled floors, and she seems to have taken to these! On the other hand, it is much COLDER up at H's place.
Forgot to say, last night after I went to bed the phone rang and woke me up, but I didn't answer it, ditto this morning, I let it ring a few times before answering to H. It's the most mystery I can manage these days, much easier than looking good, dressing up and going out with guys!!
Even D commented that I looked tired at dinner today, and I have had a big spot come up on my face too, great!
The positive that H is here over Christmas? I hope it turns out to be a positive. That H doesn't try to go off for alone visits into town.
Of course, he STILL hasn't mentioned when he is going to have D over the holidays. Do I have to ask him again? I want to get away to a friend's place for a couple of days. Perhaps along with another friend. I don't want to be hanging around here, alone, thinking of where H and D will be and what they will be doing and with whom.
And I know it would be WAY to much to expect him to think about ME and what I might be feeling like this holiday season.
Where are my assumptions Ellie? H could stay here at this house and see more of his daugther, yet prefers to stay with OW 1 and her son at their place. I can read my H's body language like a book. What have I assumed?
Earlier this year he posted to a website that OW 1 (who he referred to as a girlfriend he had 'once' had...) as someone who he would never go out with again. He said all kinds of uncomplimentary things about her to me, she was a fantasist, liar, unstable, etc, and here he is 'friends' with her again. It is easeir to keep someone out of your mind when you dont' know them, this woman has been in my life for ten years, she was in hospital with me when I had a miscarriage, we've spent New Year's together. We've even swapped notes about H trouble with each other. It is a very private and horrible violation indeed.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I have had big backslides in the Pity Party Department. But the down feeling just kind of overwhelmed me this weekend. I have been working in between the bad bits when I couldn't. My eyes feel like they are sunk in their sockets. I have tried to live my life, but the combo of nasty phone call last weekend (when I was AWAY, no less), two nasty emails (including a threat not to honour our agreement), then H's admission that he was 'friends' with OW 1 again were all nasty blows.
I haven't said a nasty word or raised my voice to this man since a year ago. It's a long slog when I get such a barrelful in return. Forgive me.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I wasn't going to reply to you tonight...because I really don't know much of your situation. But you've identified that you've had a massive backslide. So...it's massive is it? How massive? Is it all the way back to the begining? Remember those hollow numb days? Do you feel like that? If yes go back to what helped you get through those days. Detach detach detach. I so remember that mantra....detach detach detach. You have to force yourself to stop thinking about your h and ow1 ow2 ow3.... whatever .....stop it now. If you remember there are loads of ways to do that. Phone a friend, watch a movie, listen to music, invite a friend round, read a book, go visit a friend, take a bath....the list is endless. The worst thing that you can do is be alone! If you're alone (if you're like me) you'll think. And what do you thing about? h!
Oh and by the way I'd lose those slippers. If I were you they'd go in the bin....tonight! But hey that's me.
I have a deadline to meet, with submitting work to a website, so that's why I have been home alone!
It is uncanny, it seems as though every time I move forward with my life, H conspires to haul me back again. Not into his life, but just kind of back into the tub with the other crabs.
Let me see, this weekend D went up Saturday morning, they were out all day eating etc, then today some folks went bobsledding and H stayed at home and worked while D went off with them. Then she comes back Sunday evening not having done any of her homework. She tells me, didn't Dad tell you? No, he did not. Coward.
These slippers are huge and in the form of tiger's claws... D likes them. Not easy to over look Do you think she deliberately chose them to be in my face?
I would love to sit H down one day (in my fantasy) and ask him if he ever puts himself in my shoes? (slippers!) Has he ANY IDEA of what this is like from MY side?
Mojo, I rang my friend three times today when I felt really bad, and got off the phone each time a little more composed.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Liv...that's a more positive post! Thank goodness. Having a deadline's good I suppose. Being alone too much isn't good. And yeah...maybe h is being an ass intentionally.....you know things are ticking along nicely and he throws a spanner in the works just for a laugh. If it makes you feel any better I do all the homework too. My h didn't leave me he ran away. By that I mean he ran away from any responsibilities including house maintenace, paying bills, childcare, gardening, homework, emptying the bins, etc etc etc.
And those slippers? Yes I think it's most probably deliberate. But who knows she could just be insensitive. Either way it's inappropriate....my kids know all about inappropriate....we've talked about it....so they try not to do it.
My guess with your h is that he's totally focussed on himself....so no he doesn't put himself in your slippers at all.
Glad you called a friend. It does help doesn't it.
Quote: My h didn't leave me he ran away. By that I mean he ran away from any responsibilities including house maintenace, paying bills, childcare, gardening, homework, emptying the bins, etc etc etc.
How true. H just doesn't get it, he thinks what he did is just fine and dandy and he's angry that I haven't just rolled over and helped make his way really smooth, that is I and D haven't shrunk our financial needs/dependency on him to zero. In his ranting email, he actually says he fears he will be responsible for me and D for life. AND D????? What does he expect? I still don't think he has any idea how much it costs to maintain D over the span of a year. He thinks I have inflated her costs so as to have more for myself. If he is ever GENIUNELY interested to know, I have kept an account of EVERY PENNY SPENT in the last more than one year. Yet if I were to offer to show him, it would require him to actaully look, and it would destroy his own carefully constructed reasons to justify his actions.
Some weeks ago someone entered our garden and cut down two trees. I share a building with two other flats, and the one flat is empty most of the time as the owners live abroad, and the other flat is occupied by tenants. I assumed someone connected to the other flats had done this, but was annoyed and amazed that they had not sought to consult me first. Turns out that the upstairs folk know nothing about it, I suspect it is our neighbours who didn't fancy them near their property. If I had a MAN about the place, I would be inclined to go and sort all this out, but seeing as I have loads of other problems to deal with on my own, I have just left it, as nothing is going to bring the trees back. And I can't afford to start another running feud over something or the other.
At this point I try to imagine how things would be if my H were home, and I fear that his own anger and impulsiveness would by now have probably made things worse.
I woke up before the alarm again this morning, and had a good cry. I don't know what is going on, the despair seems to be like a physical vice latched on to me right now. The CC email (Charlyne Cares) talk about the presence of hope making all the difference about how we can behave with our spouses. The writer says she was looking for signs of hope in her H and of course wasn't getting any. Then she realised that hope came from God, not her H, and that when she realised that, her attitude changed and she was able to be (act) with H in a different way. Well, I don't believe in God as such, so where does my hope come from? From inside of my own heart. I suppose 'God' resides there.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I don't know what happened somewhere along today, but I just feel so much better now!
It's like the blanket of depression was just lifted off of me. I printed up something from Pam's thread about practical steps to combat depression like diet, excercise etc, and intend to read it through and put some of the ideas into practice. I literally felt paralyzed by the blues the last couple of days. Not nice.
(I never suffered from 'emotional' PMS before, had very severe physical sypmtoms in my youth and early adulthood, but things seem to have changed of late. Instead of severe pain, I experience bloating and perhaps mood change? This weekend could very well be a case of PMS, I don't know.)
H rang from his place this evening to speak to D. He sounded normal and cheerful.
Ellie, I suppose I really should be very happy that H has at least decided to come and spend Christmas with me and D. D chirped up, why can't Dad come and spend even more days here with us? I said he could if he wanted... then stupidly added that it just seems he wants to spend more time with other women these days. That was earlier this morning, before I had shaken off the pall!
By he way, the slippers are a big hit with D and she was showing them off to her friends this evening, and I felt, well, D likes them, they are merely cheap slippers, she is growing so fast, they won't fit her next year anyway. Why spoil her enjoyment? I thought it would be churlish to do anything about them. D should never have to pay for all these adult screw ups.
She is SUCH a sweetie, she has put up a little hand made 'mail bag' on the Christmas tree, and tells me to look in there every day for a message - just little affectionate notes with a drawing. The best presents ever!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
). Or let her keep them at her dad's place. Yuck.
On the other hand, it is much COLDER up at H's place. 
Do you think she deliberately chose them to be in my face?
