Quote: My h didn't leave me he ran away. By that I mean he ran away from any responsibilities including house maintenace, paying bills, childcare, gardening, homework, emptying the bins, etc etc etc.
How true. H just doesn't get it, he thinks what he did is just fine and dandy and he's angry that I haven't just rolled over and helped make his way really smooth, that is I and D haven't shrunk our financial needs/dependency on him to zero. In his ranting email, he actually says he fears he will be responsible for me and D for life. AND D????? What does he expect? I still don't think he has any idea how much it costs to maintain D over the span of a year. He thinks I have inflated her costs so as to have more for myself. If he is ever GENIUNELY interested to know, I have kept an account of EVERY PENNY SPENT in the last more than one year. Yet if I were to offer to show him, it would require him to actaully look, and it would destroy his own carefully constructed reasons to justify his actions.
Some weeks ago someone entered our garden and cut down two trees. I share a building with two other flats, and the one flat is empty most of the time as the owners live abroad, and the other flat is occupied by tenants. I assumed someone connected to the other flats had done this, but was annoyed and amazed that they had not sought to consult me first. Turns out that the upstairs folk know nothing about it, I suspect it is our neighbours who didn't fancy them near their property. If I had a MAN about the place, I would be inclined to go and sort all this out, but seeing as I have loads of other problems to deal with on my own, I have just left it, as nothing is going to bring the trees back. And I can't afford to start another running feud over something or the other.
At this point I try to imagine how things would be if my H were home, and I fear that his own anger and impulsiveness would by now have probably made things worse.
I woke up before the alarm again this morning, and had a good cry. I don't know what is going on, the despair seems to be like a physical vice latched on to me right now. The CC email (Charlyne Cares) talk about the presence of hope making all the difference about how we can behave with our spouses. The writer says she was looking for signs of hope in her H and of course wasn't getting any. Then she realised that hope came from God, not her H, and that when she realised that, her attitude changed and she was able to be (act) with H in a different way. Well, I don't believe in God as such, so where does my hope come from? From inside of my own heart. I suppose 'God' resides there.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
