Where's my sick bag? Ride getting bumpy!

[Livnlearn]

I just borrowed this from over on one of JJ's threads about doing 180s.

One of the first places we might want to try to do a 180 on is within ourselves. Inside of our heads, and in our thinking patterns.

How many times have we all been guilty of automatically knowing the reasons why someone is doing something? Have many times have we gone with the first "theory" that pops into our heads about a person's intentions? Have many times have we been guilty of trying to be "mind-readers", and KNOWN that the actions of another person is soley based on the intention of causing us pain?

Next time this happens to you, "try something different". Take that automatic thought, and try to envision what the total opposite of that thought might be. "Reframe" your thinking, do a "180" on it.

More often than not, we will find that the truth of the matter doesn't dwell at either extreme case, but usually falls somewhere in between.

I think I am definitely in line for a few. I find myself one year on from starting with the DBing, in a not dissimilar place to last year, only with H now having TWO bumpy As behind him and BOTH OW still in the picture to some extent, as 'FRIENDS'!

Here's what one poster (uvision) to the original thread wrote in with -

My WAW kept suggesting that we reconcile our high interest debts... My friends kept warning me that she was trying to get the debt in my name to have grounds to "get away" without paying it... which I guess was funny anyways - since I was the one making all the payments. I finally stopped speculating and suggested that my wife makes an appointement with the bank. We were approved as "co-signers" a couple weeks ago and now we have a low interest loan (8.75%) with both of our names on it instead of many payments of up to 30% interest rates. It took listening to her and some trust instead of worrying about hidden motives. She said that a big part of her worries has just been taken care of.

And JJ replied -

You gave up your assumption that she was trying to mess you over, saw that there was MAYBE another intention for her actions, and found out that something good could come out of it!

This sounds like it turned out to be a win/win situation for you! That's great!

I think this may be one area that I can affect some change.

I have to say that there is the big fear that every point I concede to H on the financial front I will jeopardise my own position, which is precarious.

If I approach him about working together on my getting something going in the (bread and butter producing) field that he is in (he has had many years headstart) it might prove to be a win-win situation. I get some more cash in and H sees me dropping the rope on him and doing what he has been requesting me all along. That is, I will be validating his concerns.

Livnlearn