Respecting my H so that he gives Love in Return

[trustinginHim]

Today I thought I might try one of the "respect" tests my "Love and Respect" book suggested and see how my H responded.

The book suggests one way that I can convey respect to my H is by showing appreciation for his job and how well he provides. So I decided to tell my H how much I appreciated how he was able to provide enough for me to stay at home now and not have to work because I was enjoying it very much. Keep in mind that all this follows DB principles and is also a 180 for me. We had been sitting quietly and enjoying each other's company, he on his laptop and me working a crossword puzzle, when I just told him this out of the blue.

Oh, people. The book warned me about what might happen if I did this. I am glad I was prepared! My H started talking to me and spilling his guts about all kinds of things. It was incredible! He started by saying that we both deserved good things after all the trauma that we had just emerged from in the past year or so, then he said he was sincerely sorry for everything he had done! I took that and ran with it and thanked him profusely for saying he was sorry because I don't get to hear it often enough and it was very important to me to hear to help reconnect with him emotionally. Well, this is when he started talking.

Here are the highlights of what he shared with me and these are in no particular order:

>I asked him yet again to clarify for me how he met BMOW, and finally, yes, he admitted to meeting her on an internet website through a personals ad she had placed. He contacted her. He was not ready though to identify which website yet because he said (in Clintonesque fashion?) he couldn't recall. He did narrow it down for me to AFF, hotmail personals or yahoo personals. I then asked who introduced who to the AFF website, because both were members. He claimed she introduced him to it. I have a feeling there is much more to this in particular, but it appeared that it was still very painful for him to discuss, so I didn't push. For now. Perhaps after other respect tests in the future.

>When asked why, he apologized profusely, repeatedly and sincerely for leaving all her evidence like love notes, cards, receipts and credit card statements lying about the house for me to find when I moved back home because he couldn't deal with the stuff himself. I told him it was extremely difficult for me to deal with in my own way too, but I turned the experience into a positive one when I got to shred and destroy everything I found and let go of A LOT of anger. He laughed at the mental image I provided for him of me demoniacally (sp?) laughing and shredding all that stuff.

>BMOW's H NEVER knew about BMOW's galavanting about during their marriage and still doesn't, but her father, Daddy Warbucks/Deep Pockets DID and approved of her A with my H. I looked at my H in the eye when he said that and told him, "That is just sick." H nodded and agreed. And that's one of the times when my H realized that he didn't particularly care for BMOW's family in the slightest. Go figure on that one.

>I asked about the credit card I found in BMOW's name for one of my H's now defunct accounts. He admitted that she arranged all that herself, but when the card came to the house in the mail, he just threw it in a drawer and told her it had been declined. She never asked about that one in particular again, but she still has two others that are in his name that we will be recovering upon the demise of the business.

Today was a good day for me.

LG--feeling very blessed