Respecting my H so that he gives Love in Return

[trustinginHim]

Nice take on things, plk. I will admit that the Lord has been busily pruning my unproductive vines so that I might bear the fruit of patience. I don't do so well at times, but I am better than I was, say, twelve months ago.

I would like to believe that moments like the receipt scramble I witnessed are for H to process what he did. Regardless, at least God grants me His grace to deal with them when those moments occur.

SC--no real update on the secret hotmail account. I have diligently been bombarding it with email. I like to imagine email from my address nestled between any potential email from his lady friends just as a little friendly reminder that I am aware of the account whether he ever chooses to volunteer to speak to me about it or not. A very subtle way for me to establish a boundary. I can't say if I will ask about it any time soon, but I do not plan on letting it simply drop.

As for "thing 2", while I completely and totally agree with your thoughts and opinions on the subject, I feel compelled to ask myself (once I get past the initial shock of discovery), "What does the Lord have in mind for me to learn from being continually confronted with the past evidence of H's affairs?" What I am thankful for at this point is that all I have found is from the past. For all my complaining on my threads, I have yet to find any substantial evidence of current/new ongoing infidelity on H's part. Now, could he still be carrying on with other women on some level? Of course, but until I have concrete proof, I am not going to let it occupy my thoughts 24/7. There's too much else to do, like say, bombard his secret hotmail account with emails from me.

I appreciate every opinion that you bring up, SC. But you are right--I gotta be free to be me!

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In other news, I started the spring semester of my ladies' Bible study this morning. I am also being mentored by a small group of six, very experienced, wise Christian women from the Bible class. We meet immediately afterward. I hope to gain tons of insight and wisdom from them and perhaps become a mentor in the future and return the blessing to others.

H called me last night from the road to let me know he spent the day fighting more pain related to the kidney stone episode of this weekend. He would not call his doctor when all this started. I could have I suppose, but I was trying to respect H's wishes, even if it meant he remained in pain. It was his choice.

LG--feeling a nap coming on