Respecting my H so that he gives Love in Return

[trustinginHim]

I really, really, really want so badly to send an email back to the "fiance'" and cc it to BMOW that says:

Dear XXXX,

Ummmmmm,...whatever.

Ms. LG

But, I shall refrain. I AM 40 now.

LG--still ROFLOL

[stillgrowing]

What did I have in mind to send him?

How about, I saw this email address in the ladies' room wall and it said for a good time on the Internet, contact this guy! I could call him by his real name and freak him out that women are writing his real name on the bathroom walls in Florida.

Just out of triple meanness I could send him a photo of the woman my hubby tried to hook up with last spring. 2 for the price of one!!!

Yes, I am feeling rather evil today. I'm working on another email for ya!

Ellen -- Still Growing (still snooping)

[trustinginHim]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Yes, I am feeling rather evil today.

Me too, Ellen, me too.

I just forwarded BMOW's fiance's email to my H's secret email account with a few words from me. I said:

What a dork. I bet they met on AFF too.

Now we will see what happens!

I'll look for your email later Ellen. Thanks!

[2ndChances5]

Ahhhhh, she says, as the lightbulb goes on over her head!

I jumped to conclusions on the hotmail account-- I was thinking that he had agreed to close all the secret accounts, and thus, the mere existance was an issue regardless of the purpose for it's use.

That does shed a different light on it.... and even if it had not, you're the only one entitled to decide how to handle it.

I guess the only part that would drive me crazy is.. that if it's active but he's not using it he will never see your emails. (or if he pretends that is the case) That would drive me crazy, not knowing which was the case. God gave me many blessings and talents, but on the flip side, He gave me a terrible need to know/understand things-- probably to excess.

You don't frustrate me, you just do things differently than I would. I've learned that when I totally don't get why someone is doing something, that's when I have the most opportunity to learn from them. It's the stuff that I'd never figure out on my own, since it's so different from my style/instinct.

Oh, and I emailed you with an 2nd-style response to the email from BMOW's boy toy.

[trustinginHim]

What a day yesterday was!

SC, I am glad that I was able to help you see the light (so to speak )about H's "secret" hotmail account. I just want to have some fun with it for awhile and I think I shall.

My H initiated a little discussion with me last night. Interestingly, the talk regarded email accounts, BMOW, her boyfriend/new affair partner/fiance/business marketing director, and the business itself. However, H did NOT mention the secret hotmail account! In hindsight, I wonder if he was waiting for ME to say something?? Not yet, but soon. (Sorry, SC.)

Anyway, H told me that at the end of this month everything involving the internet business would be finalized. Two of the three business partners definitely want out. One of those two is my H. The third partner will probably get out also, and that will be the end of the business as it is known today. They are currently working up how and what they are specifically going to do. I imagine that whatever they decide, BMOW will not be very accepting of (is she ever?) and thus the fireworks will occur that H and his horoscope have predicted for the end of January.

The best part of the talk though was when H was able to show a bit of remorse for his past actions. He throws me a tidbit every now and then, although I think the remorse he actually displayed was toward having to deal with the business in the upcoming manner he is going to be forced to do.

H surprised me today too. He IMed me just before lunch:

h: Anyone there?

times passes...

lost_girl: Yup. I'm here. Sorry--I was warming myself in front of the space heater in the other room.

(It's cold again here people. Brrrr...)

h: I would like to warm you in the bedroom (he inserted a grinning devil icon here)

h: Nothing like a crude husband...

lost_girl: Hahahahahahahahaha! That is the most romantic thing you have said to me in a looooooong time!!

h: I am feeling more like my old self. it's kind of nice

lost_girl: I have missed your old self terribly.

h: awww... has it been that bad?

lost_girl: I have been mostly just lonely for you.

the conversation comes to a screeching halt here and there is a few moments pause...so I start it up again

lost_girl: so are you hungry?

lost_girl: how about leftovers?

h: a little - its lunchtime anyway. Leftovers would be great

lost_girl: glad to hear it!

h: alrighty - on my way home <kiss>

He has not flirted with me like that in I don't know HOW long. I was really taken by surprise to see him type that. I guess we are slowly making headway.

I shall end this post with SC's tongue-in-cheek email to BMOW's fiance. First, the email from BMOW's fiance to refresh everyone's memory and then SC's response to him on my behalf will follow.

Ms. LG,

Just wanted to thank you for forwarding the inquiry to us. My name is XXXX, I am BMOW's fiance', and handle the majority of inbound inquiries as well as opening new markets.

We hope the New Year finds you and [insert bad screw up of my H's name here] doing as well as we are...

Regards,
XXXX

-------------------
SC emailed me:

What a loser! He thinks he has a big role, yet he handles customer email inquiries? In most organizations, that makes him entry level customer service!

And I still can't understand how you can be the fiance of a married person.

Here's the reply I would want to write (but of course would not send):

XXXX,

Thanks for your note. I was not aware that this bankrupt business was in a position to have another employee; things must be looking up! I sure appreciate your foregoing a real job, to take a chance on this....who knows, maybe it will work out.

Oh and congratulations on your engagement to BMOW. I must have missed something; I thought she was still married. I hope you two get all the happiness you deserve, and that you fare better than her last few men.

Regards,
Ms LG

PS--who is [insert bad screw up of my H's name here]? Is this a friend of [LG's H]? If so, I can pass along your kind wishes.

Thanks SC for the laugh and permission to post! For therapeutic purposes, I am considering writing my own response to BMOW's fiance, which of course, I wouldn't send either, however I may consider forwarding it to H's secret email account.

BTW, if anyone else wants to formulate a hypothetical response to BMOW's fiance, post away! I am still thinking about mine.

Well, it is time for me to go warm up in front of the heater again.

Happy Thursday,
LG

[trustinginHim]

Boy am I glad the weekend is over. H and I spent it together as he passed a kidney stone. Not fun. He is gone now on a business trip until late Wednesday. While he was recovering from the kidney stone episode yesterday evening, I packed his bags for him for his trip. His shaving kit was a mess, so I dumped it out and repacked it. Imagine what I found when it was dumped?

1) A business card that BMOW gave him for her hair dresser. The hairdresser's H is a divorce lawyer, so BMOW kindly wrote his name and contact info on the back of the card for H. H placed it in his shaving bag for future reference and I guess forgot it was in there. I have no idea when he was given this card but it was apparently when they spent some time together in a motel room. Sigh.

2) Books and books of matches to restaurants, motels and bars, I suppose he collected during his MLC trip. And H doesn't even smoke. Perhaps his ladies did. I checked them all for phone numbers/contact info--none found. I have mentally logged the names of places I found because I will never go to these places willingly. H actually apparently took his women to some of our own haunts. I wonder if I was on his mind at all while he was there spending time with his new friends. Sigh.

Later on last night, I decided it was time to rotate the box springs and mattress for our bed. I called H in to help me lift the bed and lean it against the wall. It was kinda fun to watch H scramble to retrieve all the credit card receipts he had flung on the floor under the bed at some point in the past. He very considerately grabbed them, put them in the trash and took the trash out! I just watched him. He missed one though. It was a receipt for a night's stay in a cheapo motel last March 15th, the last time I was aware he had hooked up with someone. When he was taking the trash out, I laid it very carefully on top in the bathroom trashcan. Sometimes I think I am never going to quit finding his affair evidence. It just seems to want to linger. And why the heck is it still lingering about? Could this be considered some form of emotional abuse?

LG--still in it for the long haul, but some days I really don't know why

[2Timothy_2_23]

Sometimes I think I am never going to quit finding his affair evidence. It just seems to want to linger. And why the heck is it still lingering about?

I think these "reminders" are God's way of testing his gift of patience - which incidentally is why I don't pray for patience as much . Instead I pray for wisdom and peace.

I think there can also be some value for S having things like this come up, to help them process the consequences of their actions. They obviously were not thinking of consequences when they acted, so there has to be some time, and a positive example from us , to help bring them back to reality.

plk

[2ndChances5]

LG. Two things.
Thing 1: any update on the secret hotmail account? has he said anything? are you going to ask, or let it drop?

Thing 2: Have you considered telling H that it wears on you to continually find his evidence? He complains that it comes up-- but his failure to simply get rid of the junk clearly contributes to keeping the past, in the present. Maybe you could respectfully request that he take an hour out of his life, to clean up after himself? IMO, he is being disrespectful of your feelings to allow you to continually be "taunted" by the evidence, it is callous and cold. I think you should tell him it bothers you, make a respectful request, and then sit back and see what happens.

It would be a very reasonable thing to ask-- in fact, I see it as extremely odd he has not done so one his own long ago. If he will NOT, I think that's pretty telling. At a minimum, I would not put myself in a position to find more junk doing him favors like cleaning out his shaving kit.

Naturally, this is probably totally opposite to your plan, but it wouldn't be me if I did not at least bring it up.

[trustinginHim]

Nice take on things, plk. I will admit that the Lord has been busily pruning my unproductive vines so that I might bear the fruit of patience. I don't do so well at times, but I am better than I was, say, twelve months ago.

I would like to believe that moments like the receipt scramble I witnessed are for H to process what he did. Regardless, at least God grants me His grace to deal with them when those moments occur.

SC--no real update on the secret hotmail account. I have diligently been bombarding it with email. I like to imagine email from my address nestled between any potential email from his lady friends just as a little friendly reminder that I am aware of the account whether he ever chooses to volunteer to speak to me about it or not. A very subtle way for me to establish a boundary. I can't say if I will ask about it any time soon, but I do not plan on letting it simply drop.

As for "thing 2", while I completely and totally agree with your thoughts and opinions on the subject, I feel compelled to ask myself (once I get past the initial shock of discovery), "What does the Lord have in mind for me to learn from being continually confronted with the past evidence of H's affairs?" What I am thankful for at this point is that all I have found is from the past. For all my complaining on my threads, I have yet to find any substantial evidence of current/new ongoing infidelity on H's part. Now, could he still be carrying on with other women on some level? Of course, but until I have concrete proof, I am not going to let it occupy my thoughts 24/7. There's too much else to do, like say, bombard his secret hotmail account with emails from me.

I appreciate every opinion that you bring up, SC. But you are right--I gotta be free to be me!

----------------------

In other news, I started the spring semester of my ladies' Bible study this morning. I am also being mentored by a small group of six, very experienced, wise Christian women from the Bible class. We meet immediately afterward. I hope to gain tons of insight and wisdom from them and perhaps become a mentor in the future and return the blessing to others.

H called me last night from the road to let me know he spent the day fighting more pain related to the kidney stone episode of this weekend. He would not call his doctor when all this started. I could have I suppose, but I was trying to respect H's wishes, even if it meant he remained in pain. It was his choice.

LG--feeling a nap coming on

[trustinginHim]

The kidney stone episode continues--H is now in the hospital. He called me yesterday morning to tell me that he was cutting his business trip short because he was in so much pain and was leaving to come home RIGHT then. I called his doctor and gave a history and the doctor said that as soon as H arrived back in town from his trip (a 3+ hour drive) to take him directly to the ER. So I did and he was promptly admitted.

According to a CT scan of his abdomen, my H's right kidney is enlarged and it's corresponding 1 millimeter diameter ureter is dilated because it is blocked by an 8 millimeter stone lodged in it about a third of the way down. I'm surprised the stone made it as far as it did! Plus there are multiple smaller stones in each of his kidneys just waiting for a chance to migrate out.

The urologist took one look at the films and without question admitted my H. The fact that he is diabetic I'm sure also influenced the decision. Anyway he had IV antibiotics started to preclude an infection and tomorrow he gets a stent to allow his right kidney to empty. He gets to wear that for a week and then next Thursday, when the radiology truck rolls into our little town out in the boonies, he will have lithotrypsy (sp?) done to sonically break apart the stones so that they can be flushed from his system.

As can be expected, H is freaking out over the placement of a stent up his . Last month he has a divot removed and now this. My H fussed so much about the procedure that the surgeon placing the stent is going to knock him out cold to do this simple 15 minute procedure, when normally general anesthesia is not used. Then, I get to deal with H's trauma for a week about his stent and the little string that will hang out of his until the doctor removes it.

Talk about continuing karma. The Lord is really working my H over about his fixation with his and all things related to it. I am sure curious to see the end result of the Lord's work, and what else we get to experience related to his .

Well, it is time for me to head back to the hospital for the afternoon. If your spirit moves you, say a little prayer for the two of us. Thanks.

Blessings,
LG