Respecting my H so that he gives Love in Return

[trustinginHim]

All the family have left and gone home and it is just me and H again. I have been DBing my behind off the last two weeks and I...am...tired. I took TWO naps today. One this morning after I got H off to work and one this afternoon after lunch. For my efforts over the holidays, my H told me last night that he had the best Christmas he had had in a long time and he thanked me. So, my hard DB work paid off with a nice unsolicited compliment. I try so hard to show him the respect he supposedly needs as a man and I still have yet to see him respond toward me with any desire. We seem to have an excellent platonic relationship, but I guess my question is what else do I need to do to arouse some desire in him for me? Apparently the Lord must think I am not ready and/or perhaps H is not ready for it yet, so more patience is called for.

My H saw his regular doctor this afternoon and came home with a good report. The doctor examined the biopsy site and declared that it was healing fine. Also, the doctor was able to get my H to commit to staying on ADs for a full year before he can consider going off them again. The full year starts today, NOT last November when he restarted his ADs because the doctor has now switched H to Zoloft. The doctor had tried to put H on Zoloft last February, but H had refused because supposedly one of his brothers had a detrimental reaction to taking it. H agreed to try it this time, and if there is no reaction, he will take it minimally for one year.

The doctor also put H on a statin drug because his triglycerides are high even though his overall cholesterol is in the 180's. The doctor left H on the same diabetes meds because they have had such a positive effect on his blood chemistry and since the steroid cream seems to have almost cleared up the lichen planus infection, he saw no reason to change it just yet.

So, as I said, a good doctor's report.

Well, I am going to call it an early night and go watch TV until I fall asleep. Sweet dreams...

LG

[trustinginHim]

I am a little annoyed right now at my H. Well, perhaps more than a little annoyed.

He seems to be keeping at least one of his secret hotmail accounts open that he used in the past to converse with women he met from personal sex ads.

I found a file before Christmas in my computer's trashcan that H put there one Sunday morning last September when I was at church. Now why he didn't just empty the trashcan so that I wouldn't find it I have no idea except to make me think that he closed that account. Anyway, I sent that specific account several emails today to see if they would bounce, which they should do if the account is closed or inactive for 30 or more days. They didn't bounce. I am curious to see if H says anything to me about sending them to that account.

Ellen/stillgrowing, whereever you are, I need your computer expertise! Please email me at [e-mail] would you? I have some questions for you.

LG--really struggling to believe there is a *positive* explanation for this, but wondering if this is somehow linked to H's current lack of desire for me

[stillgrowing]

I have sent you an email to your Hotmail account. I pray that this isn't what you think it is.

Does your husband still have his own computer? Do you have access to it?

Ellen

By the way thanks for bumping my thread!

[trustinginHim]

Thanks for your emails Ellen. Thanks for your email and support SC.

I decided that I would just start emailing my H at his "secret" account, so I have forwarded a bunch of stuff to him. He has not said a word to me. I checked the addresses of all the other email accounts he has had at one time or another that I have been aware of and all my emails bounced. I suppose he could have blocked me, but I would like to believe that the other accounts are now closed, except for this one. I guess time will tell how this new twist turns out.

Last night, H's mom called. She said she had such a wonderful time over the Christmas holidays here with me and H that she would like to return in February to spend another week with us. My H told her to come on and visit. Well, I'm glad my DBing is getting SOME kind of results with SOMEbody, if not with my H specifically.

LG--feeling very today

[stillgrowing]

If you want, I can send him stuff at that account too. I can either send as "Ellen" or "Claire"

[trustinginHim]

Hmmmmmmm...what did you have in mind to send him?

I am under the impression that this account of his was specifically for replies to his sex personals ads and the women's emails come anonymously from the websites, until he decided if he wants to reply to them and they exchange personal emails, or at least that is how I think it works.

I believe at this point, he may simply be keeping in touch with the women he met in the past, which is of course, breaking the NC rule we agreed upon once I knew there had been others in addition to BMOW. I am afraid he might figure out that I was behind the fact that he was getting email directly from a woman he did not know not long after I started emailing him at the same account.

Again I ask, "what did you have in mind?" You can post here or email me.

The thought just occurred to me that all the email I have sent him could have simply been diverted to his junk mail folder since I am not one of his contacts on that account and he hasn't checked that yet, but from the amount I have forwarded to him, it should be full! I would suspect that this same fate might befall any email you sent him also. Anyway, let me know.

LG

[trustinginHim]

Ok. Now I am going to have fun. And it's going to be with BMOW!

First it was snail business mail to our home address. I took care of that and it stopped. Now it is business emails to ME directly from customers. Within the past two weeks, I have received two business email orders at my personal email address from customers that should have gone to BMOW's business email address. The first one I forwarded to my H and gave him permission to send it on to BMOW. He did, but deleted all evidence that it was sent to me first. Well, I think I will now handle this new one that I just received on my own as I did the snail business mail. I'll let you know what happens. Gotta go fix lunch for H.

LG

[2ndChances5]

Dearest LG,

I have to say I'm befuddled by your approach to this new development. You found the secret account, it is in use. This is against the NC agreement-- and even if it had not been specified, is just plain wrong.

I don't understand why you are taking such an indirect approach. You've sent him emails-- thus alerting him, and possibly precluding your opportunity to investigate further. But you are waiting to see what, if anything, he says?

Seems to me he broke a promise, you found out, and now you are letting him choose whether or not it will be discussed. Why not just ask him, straight up? It seems like candid communication is essential to any R, yours included. Pussy footing around serious issues is like ignoring the elephant in the living room-- and IMO, this elephant is sitting on you.

Now, I might just have a different take on this, since I like total honesty and prefer blunt/stright talk to evasive maneuvers. So I'm not saying I'm RIGHT, I'm saying that I don't understand why you're doing this, it makes no sense to me. So consider my thoughts, but even better, help me understand the reasoning of your approach, since it's something foreign to my feeble mind?

I am shocked that BMOW is forwarding business mail to you. I'd either ignore it, or "reply all" that you don't work for that company and this must have been sent to you in error....

[trustinginHim]

Hi SC,

The reasons that I am not being as direct as you would like me to be are 1) at this point all I really know for sure is that the account is active and that is it, and I really am only operating on past knowledge as to assume what the account is still being used for, 2) I don't know for sure why it is still active and don't want to create a hornet's nest where there may not be one to stir up, 3) the last time I took the direct approach with my H about any of this when I did not have all the necessary evidence to support my accusations left a very bad taste in my mouth because he was/still is not fully repentant for his past behavior and has a nasty temper that I loathe to deal with unless I have good reason/evidence to support the confrontation and thus desire to be better prepared, 4) I am trying to give him the opportunity to explain to me about the account on his own, and 5) I am not ready emotionally to confront him. I hope these reasons help you to understand, SC. You are you and I am me. We each do things in our own way, yes? Patience, darling, patience. I am enjoying the toying.

Now, BMOW did NOT forward those two business emails to me. They came directly from the customers themselves. I forwarded the first to H who then forwarded it to BMOW. The second email I received today from a different customer. I responded to this one directly myself and forwarded my response to BMOW and my H, but when I forwarded my response, not only did I send the email to the business addresses for BMOW, I ALSO sent a blind cc to H's secret email account and BMOW's secret email account. BMOW didn't know that I knew of HER secret email account. Now I shall sit back and see what happens, if anything.

I am sorry that I frustrate you so, SC. This is what works for me.

LG--feeling in control, really!

[trustinginHim]

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Got an email from BMOW's fiance aka the new (self-appointed?) business marketing director!!!!! He writes:

Ms. LG,

Just wanted to thank you for forwarding the inquiry to us. My name is XXXX, I am BMOW's fiance', and handle the majority of inbound inquiries as well as opening new markets.

We hope the New Year finds you and your H (he called my H by some WEIRD, WRONG name!) doing as well as we are...

Regards,
XXXX

Oh the myriad, and I mean myriad, things I want to ask this man!! Like just for starts, hey--did you guys meet on AFF?????? And, so you are her fiance', huh? But isn't BMOW still married? And, gee, do I need to mention the very, very, very recent affair with MY H? Good grief and whatever.

LG--ROFLOL while contemplating ralphing all over the floor (RAOF)