Yes, I am glad I can secretly smirk here, and, sigh..., I do occasionally think to myself that my H did get what he deserved. All his life his has been so important to his lifestyle (as it would be for most sex addicts), it is about time that he slowed down and was a bit introspective about his behavior. If, per chance, my H believes the Lord is punishing him, he has yet to share those thoughts with me. He DID share recently with me something that he learned at my church's marriage retreat this past July--the Lord rewards certain behaviors, therefore, following that line of thought, my H is not currently being rewarded in the department by the Lord.
Anyway, things between us just keep improving. Tonight he is taking me to dinner and has a motel room reserved for us! Ok, yeah, this is really just an overnight business trip, but he invited me to come with him and I accepted!
We had a long talk that H initiated about BMOW and the business today at lunch. It appears that she is not responding to the other business partner's emails, and hasn't for a few weeks now, at least since the last email she sent where she complained that she felt H and I were harrassing her when she received forwarded business mail and inventory.
I suspect her life is falling apart, but for all I know, she could have run off with her current fiance and got a quickie divorce in Mexico, followed by a quickie marriage to him (it would be her third marriage ). No real telling about her, but my H did also pass along to me that after meeting with the other business partners recently, they all agreed that they will no longer invest any more money in the business!! YEA!!!!!! And, they have had their fill of BMOW as business manager and she will be given the option to quietly resign or they will simply fold and restructure the company without her!! Thank You Lord!!!
Gotta go throw some things in my overnight bag...
Blessings, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
My H's D16 (my step-D16) and her brother, S21 (my step-S21) arrive tomorrow for their annual Christmas visit. My step-D16 posted this in part in her public online journal this morning:
Quote: i had bad dreams last night and it's so f*cking cold over my bed.
f*ck. maybe texas will be warmer. but it doesn't matter, I hate texas anyway.
speaking of, i won't be accessing my little internetical realm for awhile, since i'll be in texas tomorrow and i don't have a private computer there, and i don't feel like having my dad's small-minded christian wife find this journal like she did my old one, and me having to start censoring my entries again, and my mom having even more reason to freak out since my dad would have a spy into my oh-so ex-rated life...anyway...
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE: 1. sail. 2. reach personal perfection. 3.f*ck a married man.
Are these thoughts that should be ignored? I am not a parent and have never been a parent, thus I am clueless as to what to do, if anything. Supposedly her mother reads her journal also, but what kind of mother would support their daughter writing garbage like this?
H's response is to pooh-pooh them, because she is just a child and if her mom is reading her journal, why should he worry about it? It must be ok then. Some posts I know she wrote because she knew I was reading her journal and she posted garbage merely to get a rise from me. She does not know I am reading this new journal. And let me restate for the record, she posts in a public blog. Anyone can read and post back to her. She also has the choice of making her entries private, but she doesn't do that.
I am very, very sad about this. Let's say she made that post in the event she expects me to read it anyway. Can anyone with teenager experience give me some insight here? Or, really, just any insight would be nice.
Thanks.
LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
I have had similar experiences with this online public diary stuff. And I completely agree with you it is really ODD how anyone would want to do this -- but it is very common.
It is not my son who publishes his diary online -- but it is his best friend, “O” -- who is just like my surrogate son. “O” has been writing this diary for about 4 years online. “O” told my son and me about it one night at dinner about a year ago -- and I tracked it down online. My son and I both read the diary daily and “O” knows I read it.
“O” writes truly intimate and gut wrenching things about himself, his family, his friends, his life and his fears. It is sometimes very difficult to read such nakedness of emotion. He writes about VERY personal things. He has written about sex and orgasm. It is raw.
He suffers from depression and often discusses suicide in an intellectual way. His GF broke up with him almost 2 years ago -- and he is still in a lot of pain over that and it is heartbreaking to read. He speaks of his fear of always being alone. Of not succeeding -- comparing himself to his more accomplished friends. It is sometimes unbearable to read.
Sometimes when he knows he sounds “crazy” or really depressed -- he will actually write, “Hey, for all the people reading this diary, who know me in real life -- I am ok. I am NOT going to do anything.” Sometimes he writes things just to express them.
He has absolutely NO FILTERS. He writes anything and everything that comes in his head. It is after all HIS DIARY. Online or not -- he considers it his diary. And, diaries are personal…online or not…public or not…they belong to the author.
And that is what your stepdaughter is using her diary for too.
She is venting.
She is showing off sometimes.
She is trying out ideas and emotions.
She is using it as a safety valve.
There is a whole community of these public-diary-people. You can get quite a following going.
It gets them attention.
I think that most of the people who write these public online diaries are lonely and suffer from low self-esteem.
Everything she wrote sounded “normal” to me. It is just like many things I have read on these public diary sites.
Quote:
i had bad dreams last night and it's so f*cking cold over my bed.
f*ck. maybe texas will be warmer. but it doesn't matter, I hate texas anyway.
speaking of, i won't be accessing my little internetical realm for awhile, since i'll be in texas tomorrow and i don't have a private computer there, and i don't feel like having my dad's small-minded christian wife find this journal like she did my old one, and me having to start censoring my entries again, and my mom having even more reason to freak out since my dad would have a spy into my oh-so ex-rated life...anyway...
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
1. sail.
2. reach personal perfection.
3.f*ck a married man.
```````````````````````````````````````
She is just blowing off steam.
There is nothing there that is worrisome.
She sounds like a typical 16 year old girl. In fact, she sounds quite reserved in her venting!
And if she is testing to see if you’ve found her new online diary -- you should outsmart her and NOT let on.
If you want the window into her thinking don’t let her know you’ve discovered her new online diary. Show some personal restraint in this situation.
People write all sorts of things in diaries that they have no intention of doing or following through on. And they don’t even necessarily mean any of it. It is just a safe outlet for them to say whatever they want to in the safety and anonymity of cyberspace.
I think since she clearly does NOT want you to know about this new diary. Since she did NOT tell you about it -- then you need to respect that. You must exhibit personal boundaries.
This has nothing to do with you. She has the right to say nasty things about you, her father, her mother, her friends etc. That is what people do in the “privacy” of a diary. It doesn’t mean much. It is just venting. And for some of these public diary exhibitionists -- they say things just for effect and to sound cool.
And, IMHO if your stepdaughter really did tell her mother about this diary -- and if she is ok with her mom reading it -- I think that says that there is a level of trust and respect between them that is to be greatly admired.
I would never in a zillion years have shared anything personal with my mom. My son and I are very close and he tells me virtually everything -- this is b/c I don’t sit in constant judgment of him. He trusts me b/c I treat him with the same respect and kindness I would any “friend” of mine.
They say eavesdroppers never hear anything good about themselves. I guess it also applies to someone sneaking a peek at his or her stepdaughter’s private-public diary too LOL!!
I would be reading it daily just as you are -- b/c knowledge IS power.
So you have an extreme advantage here b/c she does NOT know -- at least not know for certain -- that you are again reading her diary. I would keep that advantage. It outweighs anything you think you might gain by telling her you discovered it.
I can assure you what she wrote is MILD in comparison to the online diaries that I have checked out. It is typical teenage angst BS.
Don’t take it personally. Divorce is DEVASTATING to children. She has suffered greatly b/c her father committed adultery and divorced her mom. The effects of divorce are forever and intergenerational. She has rightful anger towards your part in that pain. She is still working through it. She may never fully forgive you. You must accept that.
But if you ever read anything that frightens you -- then you will need to discuss this with your H and let HIM handle it from there.
You should continue to offer her kindness and love and hope that over time -- as she ages and matures and has more life experiences of her own that she will learn to forgive you.
But for now let her be. This really is not about you.
Thank you so much for your response! Your perspective is so refreshing and honest for me. I really appreciate it.
I can easily understand my step-D16 having the thoughts/teenage angst she is experiencing, but to post what appears to be her most private thoughts so publicly for strangers and friends alike to read and respond to--that floors me. I would never have put thoughts like those and others she has had down on paper (even in a private, locked, well-hidden diary), let alone in a public forum. Posting the thoughts I do in the DB forum is hard enough for me. And even though I know that I am for the most part anonymous here, I still don't share everything that I could.
I do not intend to let her know I have found this new online diary of hers. And I will continue to check it from time to time. I found her previous diaries quite by accident--she simply left the windows up and open on the computer. She has in the past few years written several things that frightened me where I guess I made the mistake of posting responses to her and I also told her father, who at the time consulted her mother about it. It was at that point that her mother began reading and posting to her online diaries too. I am not positive that her mom is reading this new one because she has not posted to this particular diary yet.
Ok, I shall not take any of this personally. And yes, I know how devastating divorce is, as a child of divorce myself. I suppose I didn't stop to think that she might not have forgiven me completely yet for my role in her parents divorce. I remember telling her last summer how ashamed I was for the influence I had in the break-up of her parent's marriage and even though I love her father very much, I wished I had had the strength to walk out of his life all those years ago. It would have saved us all a certain amount of heartache. But I didn't and here we are today trying to make the best of it finally.
Her response to me was that if I had left, her parents would have still probably divorced, according to talks that she has had on separate occasions with her mom and dad and both's unwillingness to change to save their marriage (which we DBers know how change is crucial to saving a marriage). Plus, if her parents had not divorced, her life would have been vastly different if she had grown-up in Texas instead of on the northeast coast. As it is, because of her step-father, she has been able to travel and study internationally and see the world. She absolutely loves having the ability to do that on a routine basis! If her parents had remained married, most likely, she would have rarely left the state, let alone the country. This seemed to be her means of positively justifying and accepting everything that has happened.
Quote: You should continue to offer her kindness and love and hope that over time -- as she ages and matures and has more life experiences of her own that she will learn to forgive you. But for now let her be. This really is not about you.
Thanks again, SUMMER. I shall remain patient, let her be, and pray that in time, she will be able to forgive me. -------------------------------------------------------
Well, my step kids will be here in just a few hours to begin their stay of a week and a half. I will work hard to make their stay and everyone's Christmas a good one. I will have very little access to the computer--I will be lucky to be let on to check my email--so I probably won't be posting for awhile. But that's ok, things are going incredibly well for me and my H.
I'll take the time now to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and to remind you to not forget that Jesus is the reason for the season!
Many, many blessings to all!, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
I did it! I comandeered a computer! Yeah, yeah, I know it is early and yes, the kids and H are still asleep, but I also finally had some time myself to post.
The week has been quite interesting. Unfortunately it started with contact from BMOW. It was all business, but it had been SO nice to not hear from her for more than a month and a half! But my H did the right thing and promptly let me know about her emails on Monday. H calls her a martyr now. He says that her believing that of herself is probably what has prompted her to continue as the business manager this long.
BMOW doesn't know yet that the business will not be getting the influx of money she thought was coming. H and the business partners finalized their decision this week to NOT invest any more money into the business as long as BMOW remained a part of it. Thank You, Lord! Actually, they are concerned that the latest investment is all that BMOW is waiting on and that she will simply take the money and leave with it if it is provided. It would only be about four to five thousand, but no one wants to simply hand that over to BMOW to do with personally as she wishes.
My H told me to brace for one more episode with BMOW as they tighten the screws further and "force" her to leave the business. He said it is her personality to throw a fit and he expects her to throw a huge one when she learns that there will be no more investment money coming into the business and that they want her gone. I just pray that this all happens soon and ends very quickly.
We celebrated H's 49th bday on Tuesday and he loved all his presents. His kids have been nothing but wonderful, helpful and respectful to me during their visit. Every now and then I get the impression that they don't quite know what to make of the "new" me. Note: you can DB children very successfully, but be careful not to overwhelm them with the 180's--they will momentarily freak, but being so resilient, are able to adapt to the positive changes very quickly. It just perplexes me that my step-daughter can write such trash in her journal, yet be such a wonderful, polite and respectful child in person. I guess it is good that the trash is in her journal and not in her behavior. I suppose that when you think about it, it really is similar to venting here so that we don't vent otherwise and improperly.
In other news, we got SNOW! Now, it is a rarity for us to be snowed on in Texas and especially during the Christmas season, but the Lord answered a little prayer I had for some of the white stuff. HE also sent some especially cold temperatures for Texas along with the snow, but the cold has helped the snow stick around a day longer than it would otherwise, so I can't complain too much about it. The cold also means we can stand to have a fire in the fireplace, so that is just what we have been enjoying this week.
Well, I need to think about rousting H and the kids from bed soon. They have 5+ hours of round-trip driving to do today. My H got a phone call from his middle brother late last night. His middle brother and wife are in south Texas until next Wednesday for the holidays, but they had just gotten a phone call from their rabbit-sitter and she will not be able to take care of the rabbit until Sunday. So, unless my H can go feed and water the rabbit today and leave enough food out until the rabbit-sitter can appear on Sunday, his brother and wife will have to cut their trip short and come home. So my H agreed to go take care of the rabbit and he talked the kids into going with him. But that was last night. We will see how they feel today. I am staying home so that I can go to the candlelight service at church tonight. I had hoped that H might go with me, but it won't be happening now. Satan has intervened yet again. Sigh.
My suggestion for future trips (and they take many) was to simply board the rabbit at the vet (which they have done in the past but they didn't do this time to save themselves some money--no matter that it is costing my family in more ways than one--ugh), or make emergency arrangements with a second neighbor when the rabbit-sitter becomes unavailable. This is ridiculous, and on Christmas eve. But I will be telling my H before he leaves how much I *respect* him for doing this for his brother.
Much peace and joy to all, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
The rabbit was taken care of and we made it through Christmas. The rest of H's family arrived this past Monday and we have had a crazy, fun-filled week. The kids flew back home yesterday and H and I are left with his mom and youngest brother to ring in the New Year. Not bad company at all.
We finally got the biopsy report back and H does have the "lichen planus" condition. The doctor thinks that H's diabetes meds are aggravating it and wants him to switch to something else, so he sees his regular doctor this coming Monday afternoon and returns to the specialist in February.
The biopsy site is healing very, very slowly, which I would think is normal for that area of the body and for a diabetic. So no play time for us yet, not that H really shows much interest in anything of the sort anyway. Sigh.
I am so ready to end this old year and ring in the new one, so I best get to it. Here's to a better year for everyone!!
Blessings, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
Thanks for your post. No, I don't think I have quoted Joyce Meyer anywhere. I am familiar with who she is and have bookmarked her website, but I have not referenced any of her materials that I am aware of. I really try to properly identify any words I post that are not my own. If you will let me know what I posted that you believe is something of hers, I will do my best to identify the source for you.
Thank you for your holiday wishes, and yes, please do come back.
------------------------------
Well, we successfully rang in the new year last night. H and his brother are now firmly planted in front of the TV watching the football games for the day. I have a bit of cooking to do for our new year's meal so I am off to get that started.
Wishing everyone the best!, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
Hi LG! I'm glad you have a diagnosis on his condition. I never heard of it, and googled it-- if his meds are the aggravating condition, it should clear right up. (otherwise, according to what I learned, this can persist for a very long time-- so hope it's the meds!!)
I too am relieved for 2004 to wind down. A year ago I was not sure I'd make it, now I have, and just having that knowledge that I survived gives me more hope for the future. I'm with you, let's have a better 2005.
In a previous post, I believe I mentioned that my H told me to expect at least one more showdown with BMOW as her requests for more investment money in their internet business are denied by the business partners and she is "removed" from her position as business manager.
Well, I was reading my H's horoscope (horrorscope? ) for the month of January and it says:
Quote: Take double care at the end of January that you don't go over the top. There is a very volatile meeting of Mars and Pluto - in your sign. These two planets are like the fireworks and the box of matches of the skies. Put them together? KERPOW! Some of the explosions which take place around the end of the month will be connected to power games we've all been playing since around about April last year. Some will be part of new games we've started playing. If you're trying to control someone, or they're trying to control you, watch out toward the end of January. There could be those aforementioned fireworks.
It was in April of '04 that my H ended his EA/PA with BMOW. Again I say, "YIKES!"
SC, I emailed you.
LG--beginning preparation for the fireworks and wondering what BMOW's horoscope says
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
has been so important to his lifestyle (as it would be for most sex addicts), it is about time that he slowed down and was a bit introspective about his behavior. If, per chance, my H believes the Lord is punishing him, he has yet to share those thoughts with me. He DID share recently with me something that he learned at my church's marriage retreat this past July--the Lord rewards certain behaviors, therefore, following that line of thought, my H is not currently being rewarded in the 
). No real telling about her, but my H did also pass along to me that after meeting with the other business partners recently, they all agreed that they will no longer invest any more money in the business!! YEA!!!!!! And, they have had their fill of BMOW as business manager and she will be given the option to quietly resign or they will simply fold and restructure the company without her!! Thank You Lord!!!
Some posts I know she wrote because she knew I was reading her journal and she posted garbage merely to get a rise from me. She does not know I am reading this new journal. And let me restate for the record, she posts in a public blog. Anyone can read and post back to her. She also has the choice of making her entries private, but she doesn't do that.
It was all business, but it had been SO nice to not hear from her for more than a month and a half! But my H did the right thing and promptly let me know about her emails on Monday. H calls her a martyr now. He says that her believing that of herself is probably what has prompted her to continue as the business manager this long. 
It just perplexes me that my step-daughter can write such trash in her journal, yet be such a wonderful, polite and respectful child in person. I guess it is good that the trash is in her journal and not in her behavior. I suppose that when you think about it, it really is similar to venting here so that we don't vent otherwise and improperly.