Thank you so much for your response! Your perspective is so refreshing and honest for me. I really appreciate it.
I can easily understand my step-D16 having the thoughts/teenage angst she is experiencing, but to post what appears to be her most private thoughts so publicly for strangers and friends alike to read and respond to--that floors me. I would never have put thoughts like those and others she has had down on paper (even in a private, locked, well-hidden diary), let alone in a public forum. Posting the thoughts I do in the DB forum is hard enough for me. And even though I know that I am for the most part anonymous here, I still don't share everything that I could.
I do not intend to let her know I have found this new online diary of hers. And I will continue to check it from time to time. I found her previous diaries quite by accident--she simply left the windows up and open on the computer. She has in the past few years written several things that frightened me where I guess I made the mistake of posting responses to her and I also told her father, who at the time consulted her mother about it. It was at that point that her mother began reading and posting to her online diaries too. I am not positive that her mom is reading this new one because she has not posted to this particular diary yet.
Ok, I shall not take any of this personally. And yes, I know how devastating divorce is, as a child of divorce myself. I suppose I didn't stop to think that she might not have forgiven me completely yet for my role in her parents divorce. I remember telling her last summer how ashamed I was for the influence I had in the break-up of her parent's marriage and even though I love her father very much, I wished I had had the strength to walk out of his life all those years ago. It would have saved us all a certain amount of heartache. But I didn't and here we are today trying to make the best of it finally.
Her response to me was that if I had left, her parents would have still probably divorced, according to talks that she has had on separate occasions with her mom and dad and both's unwillingness to change to save their marriage (which we DBers know how change is crucial to saving a marriage). Plus, if her parents had not divorced, her life would have been vastly different if she had grown-up in Texas instead of on the northeast coast. As it is, because of her step-father, she has been able to travel and study internationally and see the world. She absolutely loves having the ability to do that on a routine basis! If her parents had remained married, most likely, she would have rarely left the state, let alone the country. This seemed to be her means of positively justifying and accepting everything that has happened.
Quote: You should continue to offer her kindness and love and hope that over time -- as she ages and matures and has more life experiences of her own that she will learn to forgive you. But for now let her be. This really is not about you.
Thanks again, SUMMER. I shall remain patient, let her be, and pray that in time, she will be able to forgive me. -------------------------------------------------------
Well, my step kids will be here in just a few hours to begin their stay of a week and a half. I will work hard to make their stay and everyone's Christmas a good one. I will have very little access to the computer--I will be lucky to be let on to check my email--so I probably won't be posting for awhile. But that's ok, things are going incredibly well for me and my H.
I'll take the time now to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and to remind you to not forget that Jesus is the reason for the season!
Many, many blessings to all!, LG
A blessed and happy marriage is a union of two forgivers and Him, because...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12.
