Respecting my H so that he gives Love in Return

[trustinginHim]

With the re-application of ADs to our lives, H and I remain on a steady, even, quiet keel. We are spending more and more pleasant time together. H has even mentioned that he is feeling ready to start a sex life again with me as soon as we get a diagnosis and treatment for whatever it is that is ailing him. Thankfully, his appointment is this Friday morning. I am going with him and do not plan on letting him cancel again. I don't feel that he will back out this time though, because he chose the doctor and when he was ready to go to an appointment.

I continue to do a lot of thinking about things in my marriage and my life and what I want out of both. The ADs help me separate my thoughts from my emotions as I continue to process all that I have been through in the last 24 months, especially the last 18 months.

I found and purchased the book, "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and yes, it is all about unconditional love and unconditional respect. As I get more involved with the book and implementing it in my marriage, I will post my thoughts and progress here.

I have been preparing our house for the Christmas holidays when H's family will join us. His kids arrive on Dec. 19th and the rest of his family on Dec. 27th, all to stay for awhile. As I was cleaning a bedroom yesterday, I found an interesting bag of items that H apparently set down on a desk last year and promptly forgot about. The bag was full of magazines that my H purchased on his business trip to Cincinnati in October 2003. There were also some receipts for the trip and one other item that I was a little shocked to find. It was the letter I wrote to BMOW when I became aware of her and H's affair.

I had mailed the letter to her so that she would receive it the same day that my H returned from his Cincinnati trip. I knew he would stop and see her first before coming home. In fact, he called me from the airport after his plane had landed and told me he was doing just that. Little did he realize that he was calling me on my cell phone as I sat in my newly rented apartment.

I am assuming that what happened when H stopped in to visit with BMOW, she handed him the letter I had written her and he put it in his bag, quite stunned. She couldn't keep that letter at her house because her H might have found it. I just find it odd that she would hand it to my H and he would keep it. If I were BMOW, I would have shredded the letter and that would have been that. Anyway, I would like to think that the news I had for them cut their visit short. My H then returned home to find that I had indeed moved out, just as I told BMOW in the letter that I would be gone when H returned from his trip.

Since that letter has been residing in the spare bedroom since October 2003, I am curious who, if anyone, has read it. The most likely one to read it would be H's S21, since he usually stays in that room during his visits. The letter wasn't mean or ugly, just very matter-of-fact. My H had refused to let BMOW know that I was on to their affair after I discovered it, for fear of "hurting" her, you see. At least that is what he told me. I felt she needed to know that I knew, so I told her myself. I have no idea how she took it, or if she even cared, but I am so thankful that all that is over now.

I am pleased to continue to report that there has still been no communication of any kind between BMOW and my H for over a month now. Nor has any wayward business mail found it's way to our home address lately. I guess my point was finally made.

Well, H and I have a date tonight. We will be attending my church's Christmas pageant, so I need to plan an early dinner for us. Plus I still have plenty of pre-Christmas decluttering to keep me busy the rest of this week. The following week will be devoted to putting up the tree and decorations, wrapping gifts and last minute shopping. Lot's to do!

God Bless,
LG