I'm just trying to figure out for myself how much of my H's LD has to do with relationship problems we still have that I might be denying and how much is just him being LD him. I don't understand how our relationship could still be driving his lack of arousal. We generally have a pretty mellow, even light-hearted relationship most of the time these days. In fact, my S16 is taking a Psych class in high school in which he is learning about categories of marriage. He told us that we have the type of marriage that people achieve after many years when they've worked out all their conflicts and are just cozy and companionable. This is the impression that we give to even people as close to us as our son. The thing that is most striking to me in this regard is that my H's drive recently took a nose dive at a time when I was feeling pretty relaxed about our relationship and pretty LD due to some gynecological problems which my H didn't know about. If some sort of relationship pressure was affecting his drive, it was relationship pressure that was totally in his imagination. He was feigning insomnia to avoid my advances when I had no intention of making advances due to cramping and I had no idea that he wanted to avoid my advances because things had been going pretty well.
HD, I found it interesting that pity could turn you off. I can see how this might have been true back in my pathetic low self-esteem days, but I was pretty confident (confident that I was sexy, not confident that my H would see it that way- sigh) in my approach with the fondling. I would say his reaction was emotionally somewhere between irritated and threatened. Which leads to another dilemma for the HDW- How to be sexually bold enough to turn on a LDH without being sexually bold to the extent that you threaten your LDH while simultaneously being dispassionate enough to not be upset if you are rejected and passionate enough so that your approach is genuine. I can sometimes manage most of this, but rarely all.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
