Quote: I have no idea what the true proportion in an average man might be.
I would say that I have a 100 percent desire to just be in the same room during sex. Top, bottom, side, behind, on my head, hey, I'm not picky.
JJ, I thought of you yesterday while driving home. There was this big billboard from a local jewelry store, with a picture of a woman passionately kissing a very surprised man. The caption read: "Unexpected results courtesy of the Mojo box." As this jewelery store does not have the word "mojo" in their name, I assume they are suggesting that you can get your mojo on just by buying your wife some jewelry.
Quote: "Hubby, your complaints about stress are bull. Statistically, there are going to be less that 3 short periods during our entire life together that are going to be stress free. Let's talk about a schedule to reduce the stress of deciding when we can have sex. Frankly, I am sick of the variability."
This is basically what I did end up saying. I have said it before. Our main problem at this point might be that my H HATES it when I say this. IMO the reason why he hates this is because he prefers to see himself as a HD man who has suffered from circumstantial bad luck in encountering libido killers rather than as an LD man looking for excuses for not confronting the problem directly. Last night he basically told me, angrily, that he doesn't like it that I'm implying that he's just making excuses. The tricky thing is that, obviously, I'd love to believe that he's a down-on-his-libido-luck HD guy too.
The next logical step given my current sich, IMO, is to actually get some hard data from him about how long this "hiatus" is going to last and what exactly our new sex schedule will be. I am not looking forward to this encounter. I am also not looking forward to dealing with the problems that I can easily predict will arise with scheduled sex such as "calling in sick" or showing up utterly passive. I probably should just tell him that he's in charge of making the schedule and setting the start date, but he needs to bear in mind that I physically crave sex at least every 3 days with cyclical variations and I prefer for him to be aggressive and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I will measure his level of committment to our ongoing relationship by the effort he puts into making this scheduled sex plan an ONGOING success.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Oh Jenny, I love having you back! These last couple of posts illustrate my feelings as well.
I believe that my H thinks that his libido is normal also. He TELLS me that he is LD but I think, in his mind, there are silent addendums to that statement: for the duration of the time our kids live at home; for the duration of the time that my job is stressful, etc.
I hear you on the excuse thing. My husband does not like to hear that I perceive his perfectly valid reasons as 'excuses'. I don't think that he can conceive of a way of life in which everyday stresses do not deter your libido. So, to him, this is a legitimate and valid thing and I am invalidating his experience by calling it an excuse. He tends to think that I operate in the same way he does but that I have less stress, or a higher tolerance of the kids. Nothing could be further from the truth! I haven't figured out a way to validate that he experiences these reasons as so overwhelming that it eradicates his desire, while insisting that it not be a hindrance to hot monkey sex in the future.
The schedule thing. I have been dragging my feet on this. I think that removing the Stigma of Initiation will do wonders for my relationship, but I have no faith that my spouse will stick with it. He is willing to do what he does now (which is a lot) but that sounds too demanding to him. Rather than force him to try it, and watch him fail, I have effectively begun dragging my feet.
Last night, I suggested a form of a schedule to him: Every other day. He blew me off. Whatever, I'm persistent if nothing else.
Btw, I loved your last line and plan on shamelessly ripping it off at my earliest possible convenience.
Jenny wrote: -------------- The next logical step given my current sich, IMO, is to actually get some hard data from him about how long this "hiatus" is going to last and what exactly our new sex schedule will be. I am not looking forward to this encounter. I am also not looking forward to dealing with the problems that I can easily predict will arise with scheduled sex such as "calling in sick" or showing up utterly passive. I probably should just tell him that he's in charge of making the schedule and setting the start date, but he needs to bear in mind that I physically crave sex at least every 3 days with cyclical variations and I prefer for him to be aggressive and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I will measure his level of committment to our ongoing relationship by the effort he puts into making this scheduled sex plan an ONGOING success. --------------
I think that is a good plan. I also understand the difficulty you face. Perhaps you need to delineate the difference between an excuse, and a reason, for him :-)
Last night, I had to beg off our schedule. Yep, me, Mr. Sex. The REASON is that I have a hard time concentrating on sex during severe weather. While some may find that inEXCUSABLE, it was my REASON for being unable to perform.
If hubby can justify why everyday life is a reason to not have sex with you, then maybe you should cut him some slack, otherwise, don't be shy ;-)
What is really odd for me, is that my wife could have sex during severe weather.... I just have this thing about being found dead and naked in a bush, with a stupid look on my face. Hmmmm.... maybe that's not so bad after all... :-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Quote: I would say that I have a 100 percent desire to just be in the same room during sex. Top, bottom, side, behind, on my head, hey, I'm not picky.
LOL. I think you've just forgotten your specific sexual fantasies because you are so undersexed. I would expect that most HDM in SSMs would have enough "top" energy bottled up to last quite a while. A friend of mine once seduced a famous author who she had been fantasizing about for some time. I knew this was her plan and I asked her how it went the next morning. She said "I f*cked his brains out.". To what extent does the average man want to f*ck an attractive woman's brains out vs. having their brains f*cked out by an attractive woman? Probably most men don't know their preference because they rarely encounter attractive women who want to f*ck their brains out. Even a woman as HD as me doesn't reach that level of "top" desire all that often.
Quote: they are suggesting that you can get your mojo on just by buying your wife some jewelry.
I hate these kinds of ads.
I hate them too. Probably even more than you because the implication is that my H should want to have sex with me so much that he would be willing to buy me jewelery in the hopes of getting some. It makes me feel like I'm living in some sort of bizarro world of sexual economics.
BTW, jewelery wouldn't make me horny unless it had some sort of sexual connotation like an ankle bracelet or if I knew that my H wanted a pearl job and he gave me pearls. A gift of lingerie would probably make me horny unless it was the wrong size and then it would possibly have the opposite effect.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I hate those ads, too. I have never been given a gift in the hopes of trying to butter me up. I just recently had this convo with my H whereby I was whining that SIL gets all these lavish gifts in an attempt to win her over. It never works but she has amassed some nice things!
Then I was reminded of this trip we took long ago. We stayed in a really nice b&b with a hot tub. There was extended foreplay in the tub, loads of heavy petting, etc. While we were doing that, I drank a bottle of wine. Then I was too trashed to go through with the main event. Then for some reason (hangover?) I didn't want to do it the next morning either. My H was so ticked about this that he wrote the story in the little journals they leave lying around! The whole sordid story, yesiree bob. I couldn't believe he did that. I have often wanted to go back and stay at that same place and make things right and then update that crappy entry, but realistically they've probably gone through 10 journals since then.
annette said: ----------------- Severe weather? Oh my. I hope you live in a place where you do not get severe weather often? define severe weather? -----------------
We lost 30 feet or so of the house to a tornado a while back :-)
A definition - winds greater than 58 mph, near continuous lightning and torrential rainfall :-)
For some reason, that turns Mr. Wood into Master Winkydink :-)
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
