Quote: You and I are both women, right. We both want to feel sexually desirable and beautiful to our husbands.
Interestingly enough, what I wanted was to be loved which manifested as "be important to NOP". Which is about as nebulous as describing "desire." But, it involved wanting him to want to be with me - regardless if it was a function or activity that was high on his list of things to be a part of.
The flip side to the "my spouse desires me" coin, is the "he only wants me for sex." Which coin, as we've noted, has come up in several of our marriages both from the men and the women.
Quote: he might have been able to look at you and see that you were not brimming with desire and still be able to carry thru with it, simply because he recognized that you were trying and loved him with everything you have.
But I really wasn't loving him with everything I have and at the time I can attest that there wasn't a great deal (at least recognizable to me) of expressed appreciation for my efforts, feeble though they may have been. A few of our blowouts involved me pointing out that he couldn't seem to acknowledge the attempts I was making.
Like looking at a beam of light from two different locations - either directly under the beam or to the side, I think perspectives determine how this works out and is viewed in a relationship.
Perspective wise, I think that the higher drive spouse loves their spouse, experiences desire and wants to express sexual longings toward their spouse, that because this is someone they love, they want to express that to the spouse sexually. You're in the direct beam of light. The lower drive spouse usually has the perspective that the HD spouse has sexual longings that need to be expressed, and you, the LD spouse become the object where that desire is expressed.
Desire -> Sex -> Spouse Spouse -> Desire -> Sex
So, the LD spouse may not glean the same internal sense of "I'm special" when being the recepient of their spouse's desire because the perspective is from such a different space.
