MrsNOP, As usual I agree with what you say. Well almost everything.
No matter how you slice it, there IS a difference between an LDW and an LDH, mostly in how the wife reacts to herself.
You and I are both women, right. We both want to feel sexually desirable and beautiful to our husbands. This feeling is present in the HD fellas, also; they want to feel attractive to their wives. But I don't think that their self esteem is tied to their beauty and desirability in the way that a woman's is. So a man might want his wife to think he's hot and want him, but if she doesn't, he understands. After all, MEN are the visual ones, etc ad nauseum.
It leaves the HD wives basically alone to pump themselves up. Which is all well and good and the way it should be, but sometimes I wish that society supported MY position and told ME that 'oh husbands just aren't visual, they are not attracted to physical beauty in the way that wives are'.
When Jenny said that NOP was horny enough to get over the hump, I believe that she meant that he might have been able to look at you and see that you were not brimming with desire and still be able to carry thru with it, simply because he recognized that you were trying and loved him with everything you have.
The HD wife is in a little different position in that, yes, I see he is trying and loves me, but I also see the NON-physical reaction of his body and the reality of: There will be no sex unless that is rectified; as well as the temporarily devastating effects his lack of desire has on my esteem and my feelings of being a woman--including everything that that means, fundamentally, to a female.
So he may have the strongest desire in the world to be a good husband to me...to provide me with the amount of sex I need, etc, but if he is not hard he will not even try. Furthermore, there are only so many times that I can try to seduce my man and see the non-desire written on his face, (or he just plain doesn't notice) before I start to question myself as a woman.
Does this make sense? I don't know if you have ever experienced an encounter with an LD man but I have to say that being sexually undesirable to him, even if only occasionally, is crushing.
