Jenny, Sorry to hear that your night sucked last night. I have heard the piece o meat comment, too. I wanted to shout back, Oh you poor baby!
I mean, sheesh, in the spectrum of wifely abuse I'd say this was one of the more pleasant forms, eh.
I am in your same boat re: driving the encounter. It is my energy that drives the entire thing. Sometimes this burden is too much for me. I want sex, but I don't know if I want it at that price. Other times, though, I'm fine with it. Sounds like you are too. I am fine until I reflect back on one of two things: First, that it is never HIS sexual energy that drives our lovemaking; and secondly, I still have a small problem accepting him as is. I still cannot reconcile the H that I have vs. the image I have of Man, in my brain.
Men are not supposed to BE like this! They have 20-40 more times the testosterone, blah blah. So I have a hard time truly accepting that this is the way he is. I don't find it attractive and yet if we are to have a great sex life (which I want both for myself as well as our marriage), I have to find desire for him and be demonstrative with it.
I hate writing that I don't accept him the way he is. It seems too harsh for the way I feel about him and the way we live and interact. But this is a block I have not been able to move past.
Keep workin at it, JJ. You will smooth out these rough edges and get to a good place with your H.
In fact, I'll bet he calls you before the day is out and apologizes for the meat comment.
