Back to Square 2

[MJontheMend]

I thought things were better and I could handle it on my own(with my H), but obviously I was wrong. Last night after unsuccessfully seducing my H, I was treated to a nice comment about how I'm not very sensitive and informed that my H doesn't like being treated like a "piece of meat".

In previous posts since my absence from the board, I indicated that my H has improved his behavior overall. This is still true. He is much less crabby and more affectionate and helpful generally, but ...... sometimes this makes me feel like my situation is even worse. At least when he was being a jerk, I was safely on the moral high ground in our relationship. Since lack of desire on his part( and infrequent rude comments generated by his defense of his lack of desire) is my only real complaint, I feel like I'm back in another crucible in which I have to really define my bottom line again. I wish I could be happy just being all cuddly and cozy now that my H has become less crabby, but it's not working. I feel like it's just another variation on trying to make myself LD which will inevitably lead to depression.

I am just so frustrated because the only way I get any real passion out of my H is by getting so fed-up that I start thinking about leaving or by "pretending" that I don't want to have sex with him. Otherwise, it's up to me to bring 90% of the heat to any initial encounter (or suggest we watch some porn).

I think my situation might actually be better if I were even more HD than I am. Then I wouldn't be depressed about having to use porn to get my H going or having to be the seductress all the time. Unfortunately, I frequently find myself in a state where I'm horny enough to want sex, but not horny enough to drive the encounter. I'm horny enough to have the thought "I wish I had a horny husband" but not horny enough to have the thought "I wonder what I can do to make my LD husband horny tonight.".