There seems to be plenty of great input in the other replies to your post. There are some things I agree with, and some things I am not sure about. I believe that our relationship to a higher power should be #1 at all times. #2 should be the marital relationship, then go on down the line - family, friends, job, etc. in whatever order.
If you are not connecting with W's LL, of course she won't think she comes as a high priority. That sounds like something that should not be that difficult for you to work on. I can understand children being a focus, but they shouldn't necessarily come first.
Being busy all the time is only a bad thing if your are neglecting something (or someone) as inportant as a life partner. However, happiness does not come from things, it comes from self.
I don't necessarily believe that the focus can be attributed to HD/LD. I try to focus on the R, not specifically H. I believe that relationships vary as much as individuals do. If partners believe that career should be the top goal, bully for them. If both feel children come first, that's great. Spouse should be very near the top of the list.
The thing to remember is that if we take good care of ourselves, we will have more ability to take care of each other. Although "two become one" in marriage, both need to be able to function separately, simply because at sopme point in time this may be a necessity.
