First, when you say that you put your wife first, but not in her love language.... you even acknowledge that you are putting her first in your mind but she would disagree...
This reminds me of my wasband. He always said I was first, but even after we went through the love language book, he insisted on applying HIS LL to me... instead of the things that made me feel loved. I resented this, and now sort of see this as him putting himself first while saying he was putting me first. It's like me knowing he does not like liver, but insisting on preparing it and telling him it's a special meal I fixed just for him!
Its like a sports fan buying the disinterested spouse tickets to a game for an anniversary gift. It's doing what you want to do, rather than what is meaningful to your spouse.
I probably belabored this, but wanted to get my point across.
I think a spouse or SO should be a significant priority in your life. Definately a top 3-5. But I'm not sure about #1, especially if there is not a close #2 and #3 right behind it. A person who just dotes on you, but does not have interests and priorities and a well rounded life, is sort of boring. They can seem weak and dependant, rather than vibrant and interesting.
I say this partly because I find myself annoyed when men cling and seem weak and dependant; and because when I focus too much on a man, he seems to take me for granted and not treat me as well. When I pursue my other interests, and ensure I'm "a whole person", I seem to not only be happier myself but I guess I'm more attractive to my partner than when I'm just there as his appendage.
Having other interests and activities gives you something to talk about.
So my input is: 1. if you don't do her love language, it doesn't count 2. if you focus too much on her, it might be at the expense of being an interesting partner.
