Here's something else for the HD men to think about....
If you ask your spouse "does xyz turn you on?" and they say "no way". It is highly possible that they...
a. Have never been exposed to xyz and they just assume that it WOULDN'T turn them on. b. Have never been exposed to xyz and they don't want to believe that it would turn them on. c. Have tried it and really don't like it and that's the end of the discussion.
Mainstream media, authors, magazines etc. have created a "norm" that we "think" is the way to approach our spouses AND how we think that WE should respond as well.
I'm slowly starting to understand that my W and I are wired differently when it comes to sex. We've been told that foreplay starts early in the day with gifts, sweet talk, gentle kisses but I'm now seeing that my W seems to like a bolder, different approach. Last week we having a perfectly nice day and for a split second I felt a sexual attraction to her and extended my gaze at her. She (thinking I was irritated with her) asked "what was that 'look' about?" and I confidently said "I was just thinking that I'd like to bend you over a table and...". Surprisingly I didn't get slapped but she came up, gave me a kiss and groped me and said "thank you". In the post above, I mentioned the Rough Rider dialog which led to her thinking positively about sex. When we actually did ML at my mom's house, it was after a "rough" statement of wanting to 'f*ck'. Now, if I asked her "do you like it when use tough sex talk?" she would emphatically say "NO" because she doesn't want to believe she outside the norm. I now *know* that this approach illicits a positive response...actually, my "sweet seduction" has never worked while this "tough seduction" seems to have worked 5 times in the past year. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense because she is LD and needs a higher amount of intensity to juice her desire. In a lot of ways, we are 'role reversed' because I seem to like romance and foreplay while she really enjoy herself with very little of that.
I highly recommend trying this. Next time you are having a "nice" time with your spouse, take a gamble and try this approach. It might work...it might not, but if it's a real feeling, then it will be easy to defend and you will feel great for saying it. My C is a huge believer in "never assume anything...always speak for yourself" and this is doing wonders in all other parts of my life. Just say what you want, when you are feeling it...it will either prompt a positive response or it wont. If it prompts a mean response, then the problem is with your spouse and it will give you a chance to define the boundary of how you want her to respond to you when she's (he's) not in the mood. Last summer, while staying at my mom's, I said "i'd love to take you to the park and make out" and W responded sarcastically "um..because you know how much I like that?" (implying that I should know better). I replied "no..because I would like to". She got the point and realized it was a "my" feeling and desire. Her response was classic fusion...I got in trouble for not being "wired into her".
Even if you don't use the "tough seduction", then arbitrary comments like "i'd love to ML to you right now" can serve as a catalyst for teaching your partner that you are your own person while sharing a "marital system" as opposed to being a part of his/her "individual system".
Thanks for letting me confuse all of you folks.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
You're onto something here Atl! I'm like you. I like a long slow build up of flirting but my W is just the opposite. I have noticed that on Fridays (just do it night) she gets a bit distant and wants to spend time on her own and if I try to flirt or suggest anything she looks disgusted and I feel I'm putting my chances at risk. Last week I left her alone all evening right up until I slid in bed beside her then straight away put my hand between her knees and eased her legs apart. From her positive response I knew I had found her secret. She needs time on her own to prepare herself and deal with her personal demons then once she is ready she does not want any fussy pillow talk, kissing or lengthy massage. She has to get straight to the action leaving no time for doubts to creep in. It is now obvious to me why we went for so many years with no sex life because me pussy footing around and flirting with her just turns her off. SD
Wow, the "Daves" in action on the same thread again. Seems like old times. Where's Tim?
Anywhoooo, I can't wait to try this on Ms. H-dog.
Scene: driving north to our mini-vacation (with DD3 asleep in backseat).
Me: You know, after we get DD3 asleep tonight, I'd like to throw you down on the bed, rip your clothes off, and f*ck you hard.
Ms.Dog: Uh, I don't know where that came from, but we both know that isn't going to happen.
Me: Okay, then, I'll come up from behind while you're in the kitchen, reach around, grab your boobs, and do you doggy-style.
Ms.Dog: You're just disgusting.
Me: Okay, then, while you're in the shower in the morning, I'll join you, get down on my knees and s*ck your p*ssy till your head caves in.
Ms.Dog: Oh, Yeah, (/ sarcasm) I'd really love that. And you ended your last sentence with a preposition. Now stop being a troglodyte, shut up, and drive.
end of scene.
Sorry...just having some fun this morning. I suppose I could try this, but I tend to think the results would be much worse than my little one-act play. Of course, what's she going to do, cut me off?
Boys, boys - its getting hot in here. Found an old "successories" card from H with a photo of a female basketball player that said something about "dominating" (in the achievement sense) and the note inside from H said that I should feel free to "dominate" in any environment I choose. He gave an example of me climbing onto his lap early in the R just because sitting beside him wasn't close enough (we weren't having sex yet at that stage of the game). Wonder what I would have to do to get an invitation like that again?
Try one of your suggestions and report back. I could easily just ask my wife as I go to bed, "Hey, come up with me so I can f#ck you silly". I have no doubt she would come up to do it. She does try to meet my "Need". She would make some sounds on the way up that would indicate displeasure, she would put in enough effort to orgasam, she would do the minimum to get me off, but she would NEVER act like she truly WANTED to be there. More likely she is thinking, "I have now done my monthly duty. Now he will leave me alone".
Some women just want to skip the pussy footing around, just go for it. Of course, this means it gets over sooner too!
Take your wife upstairs. Make her keep her eyes open and maintain eye contact with you the whole time you are having sex. When she asks you why, tell her so she can see how much you love her.
When she shuts her eyes, gently encourage her to open them again. Talk to her during sex. Crack a joke. Talk about her job. CHANGE the routine. Do something unexpected that will force her to not just 'meet your need.'
Me: Okay, then, while you're in the shower in the morning, I'll join you, get down on my knees and s*ck your p*ssy till your head caves in.
Dear Hairdog, not that I'd ever want to dampen your enthusiasm, or be seen as critical of your technique... but in my experience I'd rather a man stop before my head actually caves in. Don't stop TOO soon, but really, those caved in heads tend to make you feel bad about your appearance for days.
