I've done all the things you suggested but I feel like I'm running out of PATIENCE. My H is like CRUSHEDNJ H. He admitted EA the day of the bomb (4/30/04), said he definitely wanted a D and has not wavered since. It's very hard to be a "friend" in that case, but I'm still trying.
On bomb day H said I want a D because it's "just not there anymore." This was such a shock that I pushed for the "real" reason. H said he was in love with someone else but it was soon enough that he had not "cheated on me yet" (two weeks). H immediately took off his ring to pretend he wasn't married so it was O.K. to have an affair. It's like H feels that since he told me about EA and wanting a D before the PA, it was O.K. to do it. What about our M comittment, and TRYING. I feel cheated out of that chance before I even knew there was a problem. We were in the same house for almost three months and I left because of the pain. H thought we would just live together "like roommates" and he would carry on with his affair like nothing ever happened. What are they THINKING?! I now sometimes regret having moved but I think our sitch greatly deteriorated while we were still living together. Now with not much contact, I don't get to display my changes and DB.
A few weeks after that I was snooping and found evidence of PA. I didn't not say how I knew but I said I knew H slept with OW and H denied it. I said "O.K., let's pretend you didn't, but leaving me in your heart is still cheating." H actually said "that's a lesser offense." How do you like them apples?
It wasn't until mid-Septemer that H admitted it's wrong to cheat and that he "did cheat on me but has to try it (OW)." He said "cheat" in the past tense and "try it" in the future tense as if what he's doing right now is O.K. Talk about guilt and justification. I think he even feels now that admitting it somehow makes it O.K. H just seems like such a "slow study" compared to other WAS described here. He's really burried a lot of stuff DEEP!
I've been doing LRT, being lovingly detached, being a friend as best I can without pursuing but nothing ever seems to help. Anybody got any input?
