hate to tell you this Hunter, but the "new rule" out there is it IS ok to date while seperated. I do not feel this is right, but it is being done. I also asked questions of my H when he was still here about his "friendship" with OW, and at first he was ok about it, but the closer it was for his time to move out, the more I heard how it was none of my business.
As for getting a room on New Years and seeing what happens, either make up your mind to have a good time with her and possibly turn this thing around, or find out some other way if she is having an A. Hotel room, alcohol, and holiday that hinges on a promising kiss at midnight can be an explosive situation. And expensive. And wouldn't you feel even worse if you went to all that trouble and expense and when the intimate moment came she rejects you? This whole thing has enough pain associated with it, don't make it harder on yourself. Is it possible that doing a night out for New Years can turn this into a positive? This may be a chance for you to DB and if OM does not really exsist, or is just a starting point, you can wipe him out if you start right now...