It's interesting how I can give someone an advice but when I look at my situation (H wants D, doesn't even consider working on M, already has OW and we're not even separated) I can't take that advice myself. I have been told that my H is doing things that he is doing to keep me as a back up plan in case his A doesn't work out....well...that's the most pesimistic point of view. Truth is that we have been hurt by our WAS and therefore we don't expect them to have any positive actions towards us unless they come out and say "I WANT TO WORK ON THIS M WITH YOU". Problem is that they are scared to do it because if it doesn't work out they just put their guard down and they got hurt again. After all they became the way they are now because something went wrong in the M - they got so emotionally wrapped around it that they are afraid to return to the enviroment (read you and them as one) out of fear that nothing has changed and they just employed all that energy to do something about it! It's like fear of flying - you don't want to get on that plane!
I'm going to talk to the coach tomorrow and hopefully I'll get the attitude of PMA, acting AS IF and believing in it - what's the worst that can happen? They will leave for good - but that's what is going to happen if we don't do anything about it! What's the best? They will stay and the life will be great! What's the middle ground? Maybe friendship? Regardless of outcome on their end, on our end we will always win - we will alway become better version of us so that life can only get better from now on.
