I'm with you on that one. I haven't even been separated (the D day was on Oct 18th) - still living under the same roof, my H wants D (not separation and then D) no matter what, told me he was not leaving me for anyone particular but he is currently seeing a co-worker - not sure how involved. What kills me is that he said that he wants the D so he is NOT a cheating H. Well, there goes that hope for him....
I believe that it is cheating also. My husband has moved out On Aug 9th, and told me that he is living the single life. WTF?? How do you do that when you still have a wife? I think that is what he is telling himself to ease his guilt, and also so he doesnt look like the bad guy.
But, let me go and find a friend, and he would lose his mind. He still tries to answer my phone, look through my cell phone, and questions where I have been. Does that sound like a single guy's behavior? Heck no. It is all about the guilt, and not wanting to appear to be the bad guy.
Hi Pam...WAIT!! You have a leg up on your H!!! If he is worried about you seein someone start being really mysterious about your whereabouts and vague about where you are/were!! And then when he gets really frustrated about it...tell him that you are living the 'single life'.
I think that it is cheating until you get the decree of D. The wayward spouse is just telling you that it is not cheating so that they feel better about doing it.
I recommend getting a book by Dr. James Dobson called 'Love Must Be Tough'. Very good book that can give you strength in the rough times of infidelity.
My H freaks out every time he SEES me go out (not so much when he is out himself and I'm out at the same time - he knows it) but it makes no difference in how he is viewing the future of our M - he still wants the D and he still has no hope for us, the OW is his hope for happiness etc - I know not to believe anything he says (does it include good things too?) and believe only half of what he does (does it include good things too? ) but it's frustrating.
I'm going to get the book Jon_M talked about because my PMA is non existing since I found out how much involvement he put into the R with OW.
My H is seeing a co worker as well, and informed me that he may date another co worker (think he just threw that one in for spite). Having an affair is bad enough, but I do agree that it is cheating if you are not divorced, and I also agree that that has become the new rule so these WAS can justify the behavior. You are fortunate that he still gives a crap to look at your cell phone and that he would blow his top if YOU dated. At this point I think mine would use it and say "AH-HA! SEEE, I told you she couln't wait. I've only been gone months." Meanwhile he is seeing/helping OW and goingout to bars and biker things with his friends. He has informed me some time ago that he likes his life just the way it is, and now I am looking at divorce papers.
(((sportster))) I'm waiting for my D papers (he filed already). My H asks me who called when he hears my phone ring or land line and I pick up and talk. He throws a fit when I go out (read SCARED thread for last weekend's story) but at the same time he tells me to find some "cute guys" as if giving me permission. I'm so frustrated! I can't eat for several days now, I feel like I need to throw up or something - people as me if I'm pregnant! (maybe I should take a test since we had coupld of "run ins" without condom and with him pulling out really late....he asked me the same question over the weekend - do you have morning sickness? I said I have an all day sickness, he said that he is freaking out about the possiblity of me being pregnant, I said it would be my problem no his, he said it would be his as well...whatever!)
Sorry to hear you are awaiting papers. Go get the test. If you're not pregnant, it may be the anxiety caused by your sitch amking you ill. See a doctor regardless.
If you are pregnant, and you are of the conviction to see it through, do not let this guy off the hook. It is his problem every bit as much as it is yours.
Take care!
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
Shawn_L I think it's just stress but you're right - I need to know for sure plus I'm on some meds that if I wantd to "see it through" as you said it I would have to get off of. Not to sound too girly but I'm getting my period (or should be getting it) within next couple of days. Wonder if I should wait till I'm actually late or go ahead and take the test...I only took the test once when I was over a week late so I really have no experience.
I'll defer to the ladies here. This is not an area I'm experienced in.
HunterFox,
Absolutely it is cheating to have intimate contact with someone other than your spouse. And I say intimate contact, no Bill Clintons here. Passion is to be contained withing the bonds of marriage. period.
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
