Quote: I read in several places that usually strong leaders and people in power have very strong sex drives. They better have some understanding and loving spouses.
Again, it goes both ways, NG. In order to have withstood repeated sexual rejection (have you ever been sexually rejected before? Do you know how much it stings?) the HD partner must also be understanding and loving. After all, I'm still here and I still love my H as much as ever--if that's not being understanding, I don't know what is!
Quote: Yes, we are made to feel like we are very unsexy (as I say this with tears).
Aww, look, an LD person by DEFINITION is not unsexy. That's ridiculous. There are plenty of HD people who are unsexy (just look at Austin Powers...did that get a laugh? A smile??) and plenty of LD people who are sexy as hell. Sexiness has to do with your attitude and behavior, not your desire level. Certain LD behaviors can be unsexy, sure, and certain HD behaviors are unsexy as well.
The only reason I mentioned my H's unsexy behavior is that, in my current situation, I am the one whose sexual energy keeps the relationship going. If you were to take away my sexual energy, the sex relationship would die. The sex relationship is what makes this a MARRIAGE. Otherwise it would be a union of two people who love each other platonically and live together as fantastic roommates. It bothers me that he leaves this entire thing up to me and acts unsexy to boot. How does he expect me to keep my desire strong and keep this a MARRIAGE all by myself? Does he think that he is so irresistable that I will find a way around all of his undesirable behavior and desire him anyway? That is a pretty big assumption and risk to take, imo! I think we are all obligated to keep ourselves attractive and sexy to our partners. I realize that is a pretty outlandish claim to make but it is my own opinion.
I have no doubt that your husband thinks you are a hot momma. He wouldn't be after you all the time if you weren't.
I loved what you wrote about getting up and starting again. You know, I have seen my husband do this more times than I could count. Fail miserably and then the next day he is right back in the ring, ready to try again. It never occurred to me--in my self centered view of things--how difficult this must be. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I mean, I get back into things too.....but I'm not the one who just had the sh*t knocked outta me. Believe me, I know I can be formidable when I want to. I'm not proud of how I have made my H feel. I don't mean to kick him when he's down but I get tired of the same old failure. I know that you do too, although it is in a different area.
About the emotional connection, I wanted to say that the two sides both want the EC outside the bedroom. It's just that, with an HD person, you are likely to see them trying to obtain the EC through physical contact, particularly sexy contact. This is how I feel emotionally close to my husband. That and talking and sharing our days and such. So it is not all about physical touch. But NOTHING makes me feel closer to him than a good hug or long kiss. Throw in a butt grab and I am happy for hours. No joke! So I don't think it's that you and your H are that different; it's that you have different ideas about what constitutes emotional closeness. He feels close to you when he touches you and you feel close to him when you talk to him or spend time with him, nonsexually. Both of you need your criteria to be met before you hit the sheets and then you will have a grand ol' time, emotionally and physically.
