In my H defense, I know I started the whole sexual rejection feelings. I didn't understand how important that communication was to him in the starting years of our marriage. Wish I could have done it over.
But it does take two people to make up the dynamic of a marriage. I've done the DB coach a few times and it was very helpful.
One thing they said was for me to stop trying to FIX the relationship. I also view it to stop thinking about everything that I don't like about it too.
FIgure out the hot buttons and don't push them.
Your point is good about knowing each other so well in marriage you can sometimes read each others mind and body. Very true.
My H is a much higher drive than me and his whole thing is doing it: a lot, positions, etc. Which is great. But kissing, hugging, romance, talking, teasing, flirting, etc. was not his stong point (maybe for a few days only, then he'd get mad, stop doing it, because we didn't have wild sex as a result) only boob and crotch grabbing is considered fun to him.
He is expanding and trying, for which I appreciate.
Now, I accept what he wants and have learned to stop being demanding about all the romance I want to lead up to and make sex emotionally great for me. I appreciate when and what he does for me and try to think of what I can do for him (kids and full time working makes it tough). Doing that seems to keep me in a positive, giving place and then when times are right we can talk about our desires.
I used to HAVE to have all the romance and forplay or I wouldn't do it. Emotionally I wasn't ready and I'd feel like a prostitute. So I rarely let myself feel like that because it was AWFUL. But things got so bad in marriage I decided to "just do it" not near the amount that he wants, but anyway because he is a good man and I love him and want his needs to be met.
Wanting someone sexually starts way out of the bedroom though, at least for me. Nop said it well here so many times. I could have sex with anyone. But emotionally connecting with your H is what makes it fulfilling and brings intimacy.
I guess for LD that starts out of the bedroom and for HD is starts in the bedroom. That's how I look at it now and I'm wiling to start in the bedroom, for him. My feelings are not there like H would like, but hopefully in time they will come along.
