The Nops have such positive and accepting attitudes. I look at it that they have worked through things. He is a HD and she a LD, which is the same for me. I figure that when you've lived it and done it, I'm going to listen.
One thing that I have had to deal with as now I am termed a LDW. Really, I HATE labels! We are all so different. In EVERY relationship one S will have a higher drive than another. Just because I have less natural drive (and time to think about it) than my H, why does that mean I am a LD? What a label to get your mind to thinking of yourself that way. I'm through with it as of today!
One thing I have CHOSEN not to think about is everything I know my husband is disappointed in me about sex. If I think about it (which I did A LOT in the past) then I won't even want to have sex. When I know I'm looked upon as "unsexy" then what is the point? It is hard to get the feelings involved when words, actions, etc. have been there for years expressing displeasure.
#1 - I was wrong for not listening to my H needs! He's always wanted it more than me and probably always will. I should have been more listening, understanding, and doing.
#2 - He was wrong for expressing it in a complaining way!
When I feel "less than a woman" I don't act as sexy. No matter how sexy I've acted and tried to when that is not remembered, instead, only my lack is talked about. You feel like, what is the point?
Plus when you are reminded that you are not feeling it like you are supposed to. Well that makes you not feel it. You feel like you are constantly judged. That sex is being rated. That it is a performance. A relationship is accepting of the other person. A relationship sees the one spouse trying to please the other, not judging for what they haven't measured up to. I've had to endure all that. I had grown to be terrified of sex because I would'nt have done it to the "perfection" he wanted. (but no longer, for me)
I'm at the place that I am not thinking about it. I am trying to be who I am. And it is a lot more sexy than my H knows or has acknowledged. But when the S has continually acknowledged that they want sex more than you (thus meaning they are more sexy) it just sucks any wildness right out of you!
I KNOW my H has a stronger drive than me. But I also KNOW that I am way more exciting that he will acknowledge me to be. He tends to see the glass half full.
I'm just wondering if a H with a lower drive than his W, when he knows that, I'd wonder if it would be even more so with H than with W that it makes them feel even less sexual and "perform" less because of their ego. It sure has affected me that way in the past.
I just think that to some degree at least a husband who has less drive than his wife would be incredibly challenged to feel like a man. And wouldn't that, in itself, to some degree affect his drive. Like when you "can't get it up" once then it works on your head to "get it up".
I'm just talked about how a lower drive spouse can feel. I've chosen not to let how I feel dictate to me how I AM SEXUALLY. It has taken a LONG time for me to get to this place and I still have further to go. I want to make my husband happy. The NOPS give me hope. Their attitudes behind the sex, their relationship and the way they talk about living it out everyday is a great picture to look at.
