I could be misreading, but this sounded snarky to me. If that wasn't your intention, I apologize for the misreading. If it was your intention to poke a bit, why?
I'm sorry. That remark does read snarky outside of the context of what I was thinking. If you substitute "perform sexual acts not novel in their titillation" for "make love" and "the woman he's been married to for many years" for "you", the sentence might read more like I meant it.
Of course, in making this statement, I am making the assumption that my H loves me as much as NOPkins loves you and that you and I are both reasonably sexually attractive women. If this is so, IMO there are only two possible reasons why NOPkins wants to have sex with you more than my H wants to have sex with me. Either I am doing something "wrong" in my relationship or my H is LD and always will be no matter what I do.
Of course, it is possible that the "wrong" thing I am doing is just being HD me.
What do you think would happen if you were stranded on a desert island with my husband and I was stranded on a desert island with your husband with no hope of rescue? If the HD/LD phenomenon is purely psychological then eventually either NOPkins or I would become the LD partner and either my H or you would become the HD partner and we would have to work our way through the kinds of problems we're facing in our current marriages. If the HD/LD phenomenon is purely biological, then NOPkins and I would be fighting about whether it's Kama Sutra Elephant position #3 night or Professor and the School Girl night and my H and you would be fighting over whose turn it was to make the coconut cookies and rethatch the hut etc..
I have to admit, I am completely confused about this myself at this juncture. I really would be interested in your gut reaction to this scenario.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Honeypot, you just described my situation. How I WAS coping was to let her come get me for ML, then it was almost always good. She was cleary ready and it was good for both of us. The downside was, I could not initiate on my schedule, or get anything other than the usual routine. And it was like 2-3 times a month. The biggest problem was I had to put my desire somewhere else, which meant not being around her most of the time esp. at bedtime. After 3 months of spending more time with her in general, and nightly obligation-free massages, I am getting the same number of good sessions but a lot more sh*tty ones. And I am kind of pissing her off cutting into her sleep. Nothing has fundementally changed. Frustrating. To your point, I'm not sure if they will ever "want it" the way we want it, it seems to be more of a tension reliever rather than genuine LM. Having to chill really blows, doesn't it? I am struggling with the disappointment and anger, it takes a lot of discipline to keep a positive attitude and not let it poison the next day.
Oh! I see where you're headed now, Karen. Sorry for being dense..
Honestly I don't think it would work. (but in the interest of being fair, I will TRY it JUST FOR YOU and let you know.. ) He would then be more convinced that we don't "need" a schedule since we are having sex every day. For some reason the idea turns him off. He has been resistent to it for a while now. I thought I was making some headway with it recently but as I said, I think he was just going along with me to get me to shutup.
I'll bring it up again this weekend and see what happens.
Jenny, I don't know what the Mrs will say to that question but I can relate a convo I had with my H's sister one day. She was griping about how her husband wanted sex all the time and I presented a scenario like what you said to her. She looked shocked for a moment and said, "Well I would start pushing for sex if he suddenly didn't want it anymore." I asked why and she said that she wouldn't feel attractive if he didn't want her.
Then one time about a month ago, I was trying to prop up my H's esteem during a talk we were having and I said, "Look H, I know that in another relationship you'd be the high drive partner and I feel bad that we are having these problems that you wouldn't be having with another woman." He replied, Oh that's not true. If she never wanted sex, I wouldn't either. I'd just go along with whatever my wife wanted, probably.
(btw, NOP, this is another example of what I mean by sexually passive. He is not passive in any other area of our life, but he will "go along" with whatever his wife wants, even if it were near celibacy? With absolutely no motivation to go after his own needs? How attractive and sexy!)
Anyway, my point is that I think it would depend on the particular LD person, on how they would react.
Why is the hubby so tired? Does he load up his schedule too much and thus gets tired. If so, then his obligation to you is to lighten the schedule so as to make room for YOU on his schedule. Does he have a sleep disorder? You say he is snoring, that can mean the possibility of a sleep disorder, exspecially sleep apnea. My doctor and wife have brought this up with me, although I don't get tired at bed time, just in the early evening. Sleep apnea prevents deep sleep since you stop breathing and eventually wake up slightly to start breathing. THis causes a person to be tired alot. Men with neck sizes above 15.5 inches are PRIME candidates for this desease. Above 15.5 inches and there is just to much neck tissue that it may cause problems when laying down to sleep. My own neck size is close to 18 inches, mostly do to lifting weights which bulks up that part of the body. Another cause of tiredness is depression. Just some things to think about. There must be a way to minimixe the tiredness each night.
Quote: He replied, Oh that's not true. If she never wanted sex, I wouldn't either. I'd just go along with whatever my wife wanted, probably
I had a similar convo with my H. His reply was that he wouldn't be able to make a LD woman happy either because she wouldn't be happy with his Cuddle LD even if she was okay with his Sex LD. This is also consistent with his personality because he is so OPPOSITIONAL. If he had a generous wife who owned a bar, he'd probably become Beer LD.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: This post is going to make me look like a "suck-up" to the HDW. Let's get this out of the way up front. I AM a suck-up to HDW. There...that feels better.
Thank You, Mike. It's nice to know that we HDW have a few fans out there. However, please remember that after you had wild animal sex with one of us about 40 times, you would find yourself bored and LD and no longer so enamored of our charms.
I think the only real way out of this dilemma is to move outside the box. Perhaps HP and I should become lesbian lovers and in exchange for "just watching" you could do household chores and tell us how desirable we are on a regular basis. I'm afraid you wouldn't actually be able to participate in the action because this would lead back to the problem of you becoming LD after about 40 repetitions.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Of course. I'm sure the construction of the conservatory will go much quicker with two men on the job. Besides, I need someone to talk politics with once in a while and Mike is on the side of the Evil Empire.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
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