Quote: --------- ... is comfortable enough in his own sexual skin to let his feelings and desires clearly show. My husband will look at me with this half-smiley, clearly self conscious look on his face that does nothing for me, sexually speaking.... ---------
That is why I am pushing for the dreaded schedule. The idea is to make an environment where he can practice his confidence or whatever else needs addressing.
I understand that your needs are for him to desire being with you, and that it is a turn on for you to be pursued. I think that he wants to do that! I think that he is scared to try.
Quote: ---------- This whole scenario is just mind boggling and impossible to believe unless you are either an LD man yourself, or an HDW who is living it. ----------
That is where we disagree. I don't think it is mind boggling. I don't think it is unusual.
From my experience, it is easy to extrapolate a simple truth. When I was at odds with my wife, neither one of us had much of a clue as to the others motives or thoughts. As it turns out, the only thing that we were both right about was that there was a problem. I suspect you will find this mostly true for your situation.
Quote: ---------- Furthermore, why is me insisting on him showing his desire for me an "impossible to meet" standard? Why was it okay for you to require this of your wife but I am being pushy? ----------
My requirement for MrsNOP, ultimately, was that she want to be there (in bed). There are no 'requirements' as to performance. For the record, there was quite a long spell where she only "showed up" with no desire or passion. It was from there that we eventually faced our problems and worked through them. It was not due to my 'super drive', it was due to our tenacious personalities that we made it this far.
I do not think that your husband is "giving me all he's got".
Quote: ---------- I want to get back to focusing on the positive. ----------
I understand that. It is a much more comfortable place to be. The problem is that your horse isn't dead yet. Ignoring the sickness won't make it go away. It is a good thing to notice the positives, but address the negatives, you must.
All I want for you and yours, is success. I want to read about your hubby making passionate love to you. I want to hear how well your schedule is working or how hard it is. Difficulty as a product of correctly focused change is a positive.
In any case, i am no one's guru. I see what I think are holes in your approach with hubby. I try in my limited way to point those out. Hearing someone else being critical of something that you are doing (me. you, anyone) sucks. While I said some hard things to you, I intended no harm.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
