I agree that my intensity is sabotaging the whole thing. Right now, I'm not sure what avenue to take! I know I need to back off, but I think we'd all agree that that is a realllly vague term.
If I truly back off, he will completely stop. You have to remember that my H borrows my own sexuality in order to feed his own desire. So if I back off in the sense that I do nothing, he will shut down. If I give him his space (again a really vague term that gives me nothing in practical behavioral suggestions), there is a 50/50 chance that he will shut down. At the least, he will have MANY more days where he 'forgets' to be sexual at all. I am at a precarious place where it is my intensity (for lack of a better word) which keeps him on his toes.
Plus, not to keep beating a dead horse fellas, I think that men are much more willing to recognize the small signs of desire (or willingness) and take it from there.
Here is an example: We are kissing and hugging. Pecks only. I receive an incredibly subtle nonverbal and nontangible hint from my husband that he'd be open to an extended peck. I go for it. He likes the extended pecks but still does not make a sound or move, he's simply taking it all in and is even starting to extend the pecks himself.
NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is where an HD male would get excited and his sexual energy would take over the scene.
As an HD female, I am excited too but I want and need him to show some desire. To continue to be "shy" and wait for me to step up the action is a turnoff. It is not manly (I hate that word, btw!). Most of the time, I gently break the embrace and go off on my own. With no hard feelings, of course, because as you said he's stretching himself a LOT. I appreciate it and see it for the progress that it is. Two years ago, he would not have been able to even complete the above scenario without freaking out about the kids or whatnot.
So the predicament that I am in is this:
By continuing his current behavior, he is creating the very scene he SAYS he doesn't want. The thought that I am just after "sex" turns him off.
But for him to act shy and refuse to take the opportunity to take things to the next level turns me off and creates a situation in which I am horny and wanting an orgasm but simultaneously turned off by HIM. So yeah at that moment I am wanting sex and not necessarily him. He creates this dynamic and hates it at the same time.
Again, I think that the HD males would have no problem with taking it to the next level, every single time. Their wives would give small signals that they desire them and they are off and running. I applaud that!
But with the HD wives there is an additional component of: I want to ML to you and I received your tentative signal and gave it back 100x stronger but now I need you to step up with some strength of your own, or I will become turned off.
Gotta go, thank you for the kind words and thoughts.
