Jenny said: ----------------- I think HP and I would love to be able to accept your POV with confidence. Please tell us what you would do if your sexual desires required not just a loving and willing partner, but a sexually aggressive partner? What if your fantasies were primarily along the lines of
"Mrs.NOP looks at me with a glazed, longing in her eyes. I can sense........ -----------------
If I were after an aggressive glazed fierce animal of a woman, or needed that to get me going, I would have married someone else. I would have probably divorced multiple times as well. I think it would be hard to maintain that kind of relationship. In my experience, the friction between partners with similar drives is far greater than those with a wider disparity of drive.
I have had lots of 'animal like impassioned' sex. Sans a good relationship, after 30 or 40 times, it gets kind of boring - for me anyway. That is probably why I 'moved around' as much as I did.
I can be aggressive or not, before and during sex. It depends on the mood of my partner and me.
The real answer to your question is available in a simple observation.
I will tell you what I see in my relationship. I see a woman that steps way outside of her comfort zone in order to meet my needs. If that is not passionate love, then I really don't know what is.
I suspect that when your respective husbands (Jenny's and HP's), step up to meet your needs, that they are putting more in it than you recognize, or appreciate. Why is that not considered passion?
It seems to me, that both of you are scared that you will end up settling for less, if you don't hold up an impossible to meet standard for your spouses.
If possible, get on a schedule so that you and your spouses can *practice*. Your spouses need practice to learn how to please you, and you need practice to learn how to treat your spouses. If a spouse is resistant to the idea, then tell them in no uncertain terms that there will be no sexual requirements outside of the schedule. That will make them more comfortable with the idea.
Osmosis doesn't work in a relationship. The only way to build one is to build one. You can spend all your time talking about design and never actually get your hands dirty in the construction. Until you have put your sweat and labor and hands into the construction, you will never really be able to appreciate its design.
Even if it turns out that your spouses are total losers in the sack, at least you can get them in the game long enough to find out.
I am not trying to be mean, or make anyone angry, having said that, let me throw this out. If Jenny and HP will insert one third of the energy that you spend cogitating and worrying about your spouses shortcomings in meeting your needs, back into the relationship, you will see remarkable changes.
I have the highest respect for you, Jenny, and HoneyPot. I think you are both incredible women that should be appreciated by your husbands. You are both very intelligent. Figure out how to give your spouses some room to grow a relationship with you. Whips and cattle prods worked for a while, but you and your spouses are past that now. You are seeing that the props you used previously work less effectively, and are not maintainable. All that means is that there is still more growing up to do, and that it is time to move into the next phase.
It does NOT mean that all is lost or that your relationships can't improve from here. They most certainly can.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
