MrsNOP, Our days are very similar to yours, actually, with the exception of all the fun sneaks and tweaks. There is none of that. If there was, I think I would view my M very differently. He, by his own admission, rarely thinks of sex. When he thinks of it now, it is in this context: "I wonder if she is expecting anything..." etc.
Regarding the passive and aggressive stuff, you know, I knew this was going to stir up the pot and it is excessively hard to explain to someone not in the situation.
In our marriage, my H acts like a man..a husband..in all areas except as regards his sexuality. This is not a silly cultural viewpoint that I insist on hanging on to--I challenge ANY woman out there to imagine herself with a sexually passive male and tell me that it would float your boat. I would wager to say that ALL women want to feel desired for their feminine wiles and beauty and sexuality. When you take away this piece of the puzzle, things are altered in such a way as to make the whole thing very difficult to pull off. Can you imagine being turned on at the thought of making love to NOP if he was not all that desirous of you? If the sight of you didn't stir something in him? If your naked body may or may not make him feel aroused? If he could kiss and hug you and run his hands all over your body and not feel a thing?
It is really hard to describe what I mean to the HDH's and LDW's because the husbands are thinking, Wait a minute..I want desire too! And they do. I am not trying to minimize that at all.
I think Jenny summed it up best when she said, "Don't take your partner out on the dance floor if you don't intend to lead."
Cause SOMEONE is leading the sexual encounters, it is not a matter of complete equality. Well maybe 'leading' is not the right word wrt making love, but the man's desire is strong enough so that the woman feels, well, like a woman! It mentally throws me off to have to try so fcuking hard to get him aroused. I then do not feel like I am making love to a man.
And for the record, I am not looking for soap opera style romance and hanging from the chandeliers. I don't think Jenny is either. I would gladly trade all that for a man who is so sexually into me that spring water wouldn't even cross his mind when pondering What Could Make This Birthday Perfect.
It is hard (even impossible) to imagine unless you are experiencing it. I need him to be able to open up and openly desire me, or I am afraid I will fall out of love with him. I don't think he is withholding from me either, I just don't think sex crosses his mind. That turns me off, in a man.
This is not immaturity speaking, or stubbornness, or hatefulness. It is just brutal honesty.
Honeypot
P.S. Sorry if the tone of this message is coming off wrong. I am not gloomy or doomy, I just feel like things are becoming clear to me..where I stand and what my next moves should be. I have been pushing for something that is not going to be forthcoming and pushing him away in the process. I don't want to do that any longer. That was my original point.