Quote: This MO might work for an HD male but I can tell you that it does not work, on a permanent basis, for an HD female. At some point, I will have to FEEL his desire for me and have the majority (not minority) of our encounters be intentional.
If this does not happen, I will probably fall out of love with him and our marriage will be in name only. This is what scares me.
You're freaking me out, HP. I think I am scared by a similar idea. The only way I can continue to "hold on to myself" emotionally in this relationship is to view it somewhat dispassionately. For instance, find it amusing that my H wanted spring water rather than sex on his birthday. However treating my relationship in this dispassionate fashion makes me feel like I'm less "in love" with my H.
You are forgetting one important feature of life with an LDH in your analysis. As soon as he senses that you are "falling out of love" with him, he will get nervous and start to feel and express some desire and passion towards you and the whole "wonderful" cycle will start all over again.
Jenny- not bitter or jaded but something in between with a dash of humor.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Quote: WTF? Since when did King Amoeba leave the building?
I didn't say the amoeba was gone just that it had "ceased to reign" since beings started replicating via sexual intercourse.
Quote: JJ -- tell me you didn't write that from scratch.
Yup.
Quote: Hairdog, who always murmurs, "beautiful" when he unzips his pants.
I had a difficult time importing my HDW brain into NOPkin's body. Perhaps I should have had MrsNOP murmur "Amazing" or "Fantastic" instead, but it just doesn't have the same vibe.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I'll let NOP speak for himself. My thought is that it would be a nice place to play, but I wouldn't want to live there.
I can see how that would be fun on occasion, but how could it be sustained over a period of weeks, much less years, without levels of acting, performing, coming in at some point? I can also testify that we LDs have often suspected that your scenario is what HD spouses have in mind when the term "desire" gets bandied about.
It does sound exciting. But my pragmatism kicks in and I see it as the sexual equivalent of the way love & relationships are portrayed in soap operas. I watched soaps some back in the 80s. The "good" relationships were always under tension & excitement. The "bad" relationships were predictable, boring and soon ended. To be replaced by a "good" relationship that had tension & excitement. I've known women who watched soap operas and became dissatisfied with their marriages. With their life. Because it can be hard to stay all flowery & romantic with each other when looking across the table, past the spinach-smeared youngster in the chair between you.
Our day consists of: Hugs. Kisses, both pecks and passionate. Snuggles. Several caresses, touches and outright grabs of each others happy parts through our clothes. Butt wiggles at the kitchen sink as an invitation to NOP to slide in behind me and see how well we fit together. The sneak from behind while brushing our teeth. Little nipple tweaks (equal opportunity nipple tweaking). The occasional quickie.
At night, we snuggle up in the bed and under the covers together. We warm each other up, both physically and sexually. Sometimes there's lots of foreplay, sometimes there isn't. Positions and accoutrements vary, but not wildly so. No one lies there like a lump, and no one is swinging from the doors. Neither of us is passive and neither is agressive. There is a mutuality that seems to eliminate desire disparities.
I was having a hard time climaxing the other night. I didn't fantisize about some Hollywood actor. I didn't mentally replay some sexual scene. Rather, I thought to myself "This man loves me." And I came.
That doesn't sound very sexually exciting. It's not going to make someone blush at work. You're not going to find it in any explicit material.
But it seems to meet our needs and feed the hungry part of us.
I think the reality of life with a long term partner is just as you say - there is room for everything. There is the good, the fair, the bad, the mundane and once in a great while the trancendent. JJ described the trancendent. I don't believe nor even desire that at all times. I keep hoping for an active give and take, a mutuality that allows a good laugh when things don't go perfectly. I feel as if my H is not so much afraid that I want to swing from the chandaliers (I don't) but that I want to possess him rather than love him.
MrsNOP wrote {{That doesn't sound very sexually exciting. It's not going to make someone blush at work. You're not going to find it in any explicit material.....But it seems to meet our needs and feed the hungry part of us}}
MrsNOP, If what you wrote in this post above would be how most M's were almost no one would be here. To me how you described your R with your H is the way I would want my R with my W. The movie stuff might be fun once in a while but I do not think I or the W could do it that way more than once in a blue moon. Hats off to the Nopes.
OG Lou. Looking for real things, a real two sided relationship.
Quote: This MO might work for an HD male but I can tell you that it does not work, on a permanent basis, for an HD female. At some point, I will have to FEEL his desire for me and have the majority (not minority) of our encounters be intentional.
No, it doesn't.
Choc., who needs to feel the desire for me, and wonders sometimes if I'm the "girl" in this marriage...
Quote: Our day consists of: Hugs. Kisses, both pecks and passionate. Snuggles. Several caresses, touches and outright grabs of each others happy parts through our clothes. Butt wiggles at the kitchen sink as an invitation to NOP to slide in behind me and see how well we fit together. The sneak from behind while brushing our teeth. Little nipple tweaks (equal opportunity nipple tweaking). The occasional quickie.
At night, we snuggle up in the bed and under the covers together. We warm each other up, both physically and sexually. Sometimes there's lots of foreplay, sometimes there isn't. Positions and accoutrements vary, but not wildly so. No one lies there like a lump, and no one is swinging from the doors. Neither of us is passive and neither is agressive. There is a mutuality that seems to eliminate desire disparities.
I was having a hard time climaxing the other night. I didn't fantisize about some Hollywood actor. I didn't mentally replay some sexual scene. Rather, I thought to myself "This man loves me." And I came.
That doesn't sound very sexually exciting. It's not going to make someone blush at work. You're not going to find it in any explicit material.
But it seems to meet our needs and feed the hungry part of us.
MrsNOP -
Sounds like HEAVEN to me. A dream day; and yes, I did blush at work, MrsNop!
Choc., who would say "You had me at "Hugs. Kisses."
Quote: Hugs. Kisses, both pecks and passionate. Snuggles. Several caresses, touches and outright grabs of each others happy parts through our clothes. Butt wiggles at the kitchen sink as an invitation to NOP to slide in behind me and see how well we fit together. The sneak from behind while brushing our teeth. Little nipple tweaks (equal opportunity nipple tweaking).
Bf and I do all these things...Lots of affection with sexual overtones, and verbal innuendos... but no actual ML.
My thought is that it would be a nice place to play, but I wouldn't want to live there.
