I subscribe to an esoteric "thought of the day". Here is today - ___________________________________________________________
Expectations are the lock that keeps us in our self-built prisons. Free of expectations the prison vanishes. A well known line in an old Kris Kristofferson song says it well:
"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose."
The tendency to "monitor" and "control" seems to maintain the very behavior that we would like to get rid of. I also need to think about how my monitoring controls me. For example, I know that I box myself in when I carefully measure my responses to H rather than just express my true feelings.
I know that you have expressed your feelings to H that you would like him to demonstrate more desire. I feel the same about my H - I have expressed this sentiment too. Is it possible that your H's signs are just more subtle? Does your careful observation of the situation actually cause you to miss key signals from your H? In other words - if you let go would you free yourself and him? (As usual, I need to do this too. I need to say my piece and do so with honesty and caring but then I need to let go). Like you, my faith is very important to me so I am not going anywhere. That leaves me to "figure it out" with H.
I think sometimes I tend to think on these things and get them all worked out in my head then I dump all my thoughts on H and he has no idea what to do with the plethora of thoughts and information. He really just wants to work, come home and hang with the wife and kids and not have these heavy discussions all the time.
