I don't think it is harsh. It's tough that it is pretty clear that the attitude you describe of him seems to be "I don't really care". Ouch.
I think it is one thing if you can see a person is really trying to please you, though my doubt is that could ever happen to any person completely as they would like. But if it is evident that are going out of their way. You H doesn't sound that way.
I just can't relate as to how it would be to have the W wanting S and the H not.
There are times that I've been horny but because our R was not where it should be I didn't go for it. I'd be quite crabby and angry, but it was more at the R and me being mad that he'd rather be mad at me than work on the R. When many times, I'd want it. Of course, not as many as H.
Is yours being horny or is it the need for physical touch too and/or equally?
It means he got so hot he felt faint. You know, the way you feel in the summertime..
And once he quits, there is no going back to it. I was already finished (and I suspect he was just holding on until I did, so he could quit) and he is then too self conscious to allow me to give him an orgasm at that point.
Nicegal, I shouldn't have given the impression that my husband doesn't try. He does try. I just meant that I am no longer willing to prop him up on the times when he DOESN'T try.
For instance, last night when he initiated and then crapped out in the middle, what was I supposed to do? Tell him it's okay? It's not okay with me. I want to be understanding and I really do try to be that way, but he gives me SO much material with which to get pissy!
But, as I said, I tend to vent a lot on this board. IRL, I was direct with him today but not unkind at all. He was the same, although he is evasive and not direct.
Honey, I gotta say that I have never come across this "overheated" think (and I am a 56-year old woman with some experience... ). Has that ever happened before? This, along with the bump on the head and the dizziness while driving are worrisome. He really needs the physical (and I agree with NOP to blow off the Testosterone thing-- the chances of it being relevant are inversely proportional to the distress the discussion will cause). But this other stuff needs to be checked out.
I also think you should go to a schedule. Tell H there is too much confusion right now and you feel it would make home life easier. Figure out a plan that you feel you could live with, one that if there is no other sex, you could still be content. Don't expect or look for sex on the other nites. The schedule is about getting your needs met ( which it should by definition...you are making a plan that you are comfortable with), but most importantly, it's about commitment. Right now you have to think of it as a healthy diet...there will be time to indulge in the hot fudge sundaes in the future, but right now you need to be comfortably nourished.
Once your H sees that he can meet the schedule, his self confidence will come back. It does require some sacrifice on your part, because you will not be getting that sort-after prize: highly desirable, can't wait to f*** you, sex. You can and will have that, too, but don't think about it now.
Personally, I think you let your H off the hook too much. I think you tend to overanalyze ( which I enjoy because you are so bright) and make excuses for him. The schedule will take care of that. Your desires are normal and natural, but they can get overwhelming. The schedule will take care of that too.
Ok, guys, I'm feeling confused. I'm not sure what to expect out of this schedule thing.
It will not increase our frequency. We already ML at that frequency, or more.
Here is what I am expecting: I expect that it will (eventually) feel more natural as we get started. Right now, it is awkward. I expect that we will, as a COUPLE, begin to look forward to these nights. Right now, H dreads it and I watch him like a hawk to make sure he's at least thinkin about it. I expect that my H's sexual confidence will increase, as he sees that I am satisfied and happy. I expect that I will chill out, because I can stop worrying about whether he desires me enough to stay awake for me. He will know that he is going to be awake, whether he likes it or not.
So whatcha think? Am I missing anything?
We have had a loose schedule for a while now. It was the "twice a week is the minimum, and anything over that is a bonus" schedule. The problem was that the weight was on H's shoulders, or so he feels, and I never felt fully satisfied with the results.
I'm getting hopeful. I'm off to take a bath and have a glass of wine so that I am chilled and happy when he arrives home. The baby is sleeping and the older two are occupado with stringing cheerios onto pipe cleaners and making bracelets and necklaces. That should be a fun mess to clean up!
Honeypot. Like Nope said the schedule is in control, not you, not your H.
Schedule tues, thurs, & sat with one night off for XYZ reasons. the reasons to cancel have to be stated 12 hours in advance for most problems. Serious problems require a 2 hour notice of cancelation.
If the T, T, S does not thrill you, do the " I will write down what I want on a slip of paper, you write what you want on a slip of paper and then compare them. See where you 2 are now. Do it again with limits (least to most ) and go from there.
BTW, I tried this with W and got an I don't know response from her, so I am no expert.
OG Lou Remove the variables, equals removing the anxiety.
Quote: Right now, H dreads it and I watch him like a hawk to make sure he's at least thinkin about it.
Ummm....lets see how to put this? Wouldn't you feel on the spot if someone was watching you like a hawk too? That could be adding to his dread of the evening. If someone were watching me that closely and I knew what was supposed to happen that evening...I'd feel an awful lot of pressure, that would probably make me dread the impending event.
You might want to pay more attention to your behavior on this...and well....backoff.
Sorry for the up and down nature of the weekend. Sounds like the power struggle is alive and well.
As for Polar Express. My H and I saw it and it was a very good movie. It had a very intense feel to it - like riding a roller coaster. My children, 7 and 12 1/2 loved it. My son has had the book for years.
). Has that ever happened before? This, along with the bump on the head and the dizziness while driving are worrisome. He really needs the physical (and I agree with NOP to blow off the Testosterone thing-- the chances of it being relevant are inversely proportional to the distress the discussion will cause). But this other stuff needs to be checked out. 
