I also think you should go to a schedule. Tell H there is too much confusion right now and you feel it would make home life easier. Figure out a plan that you feel you could live with, one that if there is no other sex, you could still be content. Don't expect or look for sex on the other nites. The schedule is about getting your needs met ( which it should by definition...you are making a plan that you are comfortable with), but most importantly, it's about commitment. Right now you have to think of it as a healthy diet...there will be time to indulge in the hot fudge sundaes in the future, but right now you need to be comfortably nourished.
Once your H sees that he can meet the schedule, his self confidence will come back. It does require some sacrifice on your part, because you will not be getting that sort-after prize: highly desirable, can't wait to f*** you, sex. You can and will have that, too, but don't think about it now.
Personally, I think you let your H off the hook too much. I think you tend to overanalyze ( which I enjoy because you are so bright) and make excuses for him. The schedule will take care of that. Your desires are normal and natural, but they can get overwhelming. The schedule will take care of that too.
