Update: I was ready to set a nice mood when H arrived last night, but he didn't give me the chance. He did it himself! He walked in the door and the first words out of his mouth were, "You look fantastic! You have really lost weight!" I was pleasantly surprised and jetted out the door to my WW meeting. (1.2 more lbs gone, yeah) The rest of the evening was nice, though I went to church so I was gone a good part of it. I think that when I am gone he misses me and this has lots of good effects on our R. I know that since I quit my job, I have become...well, not less interesting to him, but certainly more dependent on him, in his eyes. I look to him to bring the excitement through the door with him when he arrives. Also I am just HERE all the time. There is no chance for him to miss me, at this period in our lives.
Anyway the night was good and we went to bed. He started falling asleep and briefly woke himself up, only to begin telling me how tired he was, etc. I cut him off with a direct question on why he was telling me that (to stave off sex? To make conversation? what?) and we ended up ML.
But that is not what has prompted me to write this morning.
As I was reading ATLDave's thread, I thought to myself "Well shoot, I have that. I wonder why he feels successful and I don't." I realized it is because I have never set an end goal for this thing. There was never a point where I said to myself, I will consider myself successful when.........." I always thought I would know it when we arrived at that point. I don't know if this is true.
Yesterday I wrote something to Hairy that said my H hadn't indicated a strong desire to ML to me in a couple weeks. I thought about this comment later on in the day and realized, Well that's not true! He has done something sexual every single day and clearly wanted to initiate on Sat morning, but the kids were in bed with us, lol. I wonder how often I get this revisionist history thing going on? I am really going to have to concentrate on REALITY from now on. Also I need to make some end goals so that I will know when to stop. I always thought it would be instinctive but I don't know that that's true.
I also think that the Stigma of Initiation, as outlined by MrNOP, is what is haunting me still. I hate, no detest, waiting around all night wondering if he is going to make my day or not. All other issues in our marriage have been worked through to the satisfaction of both of us. This one thing..initiation...weighs so heavily on us that it is threatening to overshadow all the other good things we have going on.
