Actually, I think you're right. He does have a hard time understanding it and seeing it from my perspective. Part of that is because it IS a nuanced thing, you know?
For instance, he says he has desire for me all the time but just doesn't show it. So when I say to him "if you have desire, I will be okay, I just hate when there is no desire AND no action" he is confused. See, to him, desire is something vague and fluttering and desire to ME is something tangible and action-based. So when he was horny this weekend and caressed me and touched me, I knew that he wanted me. I felt it, it spoke to me and I felt loved and wanted. If he had simply felt a vague fluttering and done nothing with that feeling, I would have neither felt desired nor known about it at all.
But to him, these scenarios are--in practical terms--exactly the same. In both scenarios he wants me but does not take it to the next level, having sex. But to me they are world's apart. In the first scenario, he makes the effort to SHOW me that he wants me. He takes actual physical action and demonstrates that he wants me. It is, quite simply, not enough for me to trust that he has sexual feelings for me and that they are there, even if I am not seeing hide nor hair of them and we are also not having sex. Does that make me sound demanding and never-satisfied?
Here is the Honeypot Sexy Happiness Scale:
1. He is horny and initiates. ( highest score) 2. He is horny but we don't end up ML. ( feel loved and pleased with him) 3. He is not horny but initiates anyway. ( less satisfied but see it for the loving gesture it is) 4. He is not horny and doesn't initiate. ( do not feel loved or appreciated)
Now, I know you understand that this is not an everyday thing but an "over time" thing. If #4 happens repeatedly in a week, I will start to feel as if he doesn't care about me. Etc.
Anyway, back to the nuance thing. He sees the scenarios as being one and the same. They are not, to me. So when we are communicating I can't make him see the difference. Or, perhaps he does see it but plays dumb so that he doesn't have to be in the position of committing to showing his desire--he is uncomfortable doing that and has expressed that.
Who knows. I think my reply was even more confusing than your message, lol.
Maybe if we had a couple beers we'd be able to talk more coherently.
