Liese wrote { I wish you and H were buddies and could go "golfing" or whatever and talk. }
Liese, I wish ALOT of us here on the SSM could be buddies and would be in GROUP counseling. Individusl C is good for some problems but I have been in group C, and just like here, the other rational members offer or model as much or more help as the C does. I think people in the problem are more believeable than the C on some problems.
Going golfing with your H would be a place to start. Because that is not likely to happen, can you find a group activity that you two can participate in where the couples actually do sit , walk, or dance together. Some of the other men's touching behaviors might rub of on your H. Why did I suggest this? I think people copy each other.
I have to ask for together time too. I know how soothing touching can be and how I can become anxious without touch. I have to clear the dogs off the sofa and ask W to sit next ot me about 2X a week.
{You're W is a lucky gal} I will thake that as a compliment. Maybe you could go shoe shopping (female equivilent of mens golf?) with my W and tell her that. Right now I wish I would get a compliment like that from my W.
I heard the blanket statement, "men are pigs, stubbron, controling etc," again tonight. W watches news 4 to 6 hrs a day. And of course Mark Kacking, Scott Peterson, Kofi Anon, Osama Bin Laden are frequent bag guy topics for a good many of the news topics.
I asked if her blanket statement included me as many of W's general comments really relate to me without directly accusing me. W said that I was controling but could not describe a particular incident at the time. I suggested that maybe what W sees as controling is having standards and setting goals to me. That is where we left things.
Whell, this is Hairdogs thread. I read where HD thinks Mrs HD's problems come from lack of trust in her youth are resurfacing in the M relationship. I have to think there is a lot of truth there. Also think friends, what people watch on TV or read influences a person's behavior or can influence old feelings to resurface.
When I worked in a group home for deliquent boys, the druggies lked the pot / drug comments in a movie, the auto theft boys like the car chase movies, the guys with issues with girlfriends liked the pimp movies, the anti-social boys liked movies like "Natural Born Killers". The state finally said no "R" rated movie rentals. The manager and some employees wanted to keep showing "R" movies. Just like some people thing nothing they are doing is undermining the R. Who? Me? Na!
Why the comments about the group home? My opinion and observations are, people will not say how they feel or think sometimes, but you can get a hint of what they are feeling by observing them while they watch a movie or observe what TV programs they watch. Also works for what people read and the type of friends they associate with.
How does this help Hairdog? Maybe a little insight into what people think but will not tell you directly. Nothing concrete, mind you, just some things that I saw working with boys where the rapport was almost everything. Without rapport and insight, you worked a shift from he!! Without rapport a M can be lonely.
