HairDog wrote about Mrs HairDog {{She is a divorce lawyer, of course.}}
Hair........Hair........Hair........(sigh,) that is so big of a factor IMO. The crap at work influences her thinking and behavior at home.
My W changed a lot when she was the med nurse for clients (mostly female) in a "Co-Dependency" treatment program at the hospital where she worked. That coupled with our traditional backgrounds, IE: (man works 50hrs/W, makes most of the financial decisions, pays for everything, captain of the ship so to speak, woman stays home, makes the social and family decisions, has the checkbook for running the house, is the first mate) was real fuel for W's fire to change things at home. I can also say that the other people that worked in the "Co-Dependency program seemed to change at this time.
Things that W encountered at work with contact with clients that had abusive spouses seemed to triger reactions for what used to be called normal male / female household roles. It used to be, I would do certain things and expect her to do certain other, things. Then after W working at the hospital, what we each did seperatly in the past and depended on the other to do, started to be called co-dependency. (Co-dependency program disbanded because insurance companies would no longer pay for this type of "Treatment.")
Main point I am trying to make. Things at work influence the M. If your W sees alot of poor spousal behavior at work, I am inclined to think small inocent behaviors at home, that are blatend SOB behaviors in a client's R, will influence how she treats you.
{{ She can have all those views if she wants, but don't apply them to me.}} precisely HD. It took me almost a year of asking how I fit in when W made her "men are xyz" comments for W to quit, well almost quit. Some people really ARE XYZ.
Problems [ 1. You don't challenge each other. Unconditional acceptance is a myth. Healthy marriages require a mutual willingness to challenge and be challenged. An "Oh, I'll let the little woman do whatever makes her happy" attitude can be condescending and harmful. If your partner lounges around in her bathrobe watching TV every day and you say nothing, then you're not invested in her well-being. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she's sick. Maybe she's succumbing to laziness. Regardless, the message that she gets loud and clear from your silence is that you don't care. (PLEASE NOTE) Not only do you have the right to make reasonable demands on your partner, you have the obligation to do so. ]
I was trying to avoid conflicts, so many times I let some things slide, other times I insisted on certain things. I have learned it is OK to confront W sometimes because it is good for the both of us, not just me feeling I deserved something better or W did something out of bounds.
HairDog, Glad you can see BS and call it BS. Keep it up. I do not know of anyone that would agree to no sex and would still want to be friends. I know having children with that type of spouse complicates the plan of action to remedy the presenting problem, be it= my way, her way, a compromise, the highway, or what ever you think is correct in your situation.
OG Lou Been working at it for a while. Is this little paycheck mine? Well, at least I got a paycheck. Some didn't.
