Quote: actions will show him that I am "trust worthy".
Huh?! He wants you to show him that YOU'RE trustworthy? Oh honey...are you not able to see how twisted that is? He has broken the trust here, not you. I don't care if you did withhold sex in the past...you didn't have an EA. That is horribly manipulative of him.
If you truly think this marriage even has a shot at being recovered you both will need to seek counseling...and he will have to discontinue the EA.
Quote: I would really want to have sex/ML to you but I can't do it when you are involved with someone else. I desire you all the time and I would love to show you just how much but you have to be honest with me...
You have every right to have this convo with him...and it doesn't have to be in a hateful manner. Putting things in one the line tells him that you still want him but that there are conditions...conditions are ok. Affairs are a condition for D.I.V.O.R.C.E
I guess the way I'm seeing it is he's setting the situation up to have the outcome that he desires...and that's to end your M. But he keeps trying to make you out to be the bad guy...I mean afterall, it's you're fault he's having an affair isn't it? At least that's what he's telling you...and honestly, you seem to be buying that crap too.
Keep in mind that because you've done something in the past that he views as bad doesn't mean he can walk all over you either...and that's what he's doing now. Remember someone who is assertive and confident can be very attractive to a man too. Has he ever seen that side of you? For that matter (and I don't mean this as an insult) do you have that side to you? If not, you might want to bring her out and polish her up a bit.
Quote: I don't feel I can demend him to finish things with OW since he wants the D and he does not want me
Ok one more time I have to say HUH? He really does have you confused doesn't he? YOU are his wife and regardless of what may have happened between the two of you in the past you do have the right to demand he discontinue the R with the OW. Remember your marriage vows? Why have them if he's going to do this?
Whatever happened between the two of you in the past is no excuse for him to do what he's doing now...stop blaming yourself, because that's what you're still doing. I know that's a hard thing to stop, but you must. YOU do need to stand up for yourself...really.
I think calling a DB coach is proabably a good step for you...but it's going to take a lot more than that.
I know I've been harsh, but I want to reiterate that I'm just calling it as I see it, errrr ....read it.
