Did his mother tell you he wanted pictures of her? If not, what you're getting is his take on it. He's lied to you, why wouldn't he lie to the OW as well? Or are you saying that you read an e-mail from his mom that asked for those pics? If so then sorry, that's my mistake I misunderstood.
Glad to hear you've got a good attorney, you'll need someone in your corner. Take some time though and get your thoughts together, consult your attorney, get a game plan...then proceed.
You definitely need to have a clear head for the next step.
A private investigator can take the cell number that you have, and find out all about her, and it probably won't cost very much.
If she is married, i think that her husband deserves to know the truth about his wife.
Before you decide to dump him, consider thinking about it over the weekend. Think about whether or not you want to put out the effort to attempt recovery. It is your decision.
You have a lot to digest. Try to take some time out and do something you like to do. A walk, movie, whatever relaxes you.
It won't make you feel better right now, but you aren't the first person to face this battle. Unfortunately, affairs are far too common. For what it is worth, spouses caught up in the act of an affair often rewrite their marital history. "I never loved you. I never wanted to marry you. I didn't think our marriage would make it this far. I love you, but I am not in love with you." That is all absolute bull do. ALL wayward spouses say ridiculously similar things.
I hope that you have at least a tolerable weekend.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I found an email that he sent to his stepdad saying : mom wanted me to send you two a picture of (name) so here it is, it's from the work picnic this year etc. etc.
So yeah, she asked him for a picture he did not volunteer it.
I'm much calmer now, I will be going out in a bit so I got to get ready. Bye !
NOPkins thanks for the words of courage. I definitelly think that he is rewriting history and as angry and hurt I am by his actions I do notice that he is totally following the path of all others that came before him. I guess this is the only reason why I'm not blowing up at him and asking him to move instead of me and just making his life miserable for as long as I can.
I cannot change the past, I can influence the presence and future so that's what I'm going to do. Now I will be truly DBing (LRT) and this time I will not have a fear that I mess things up. I am not the one who messed them up in first place so I have nothing to lose.
I just want to make sure that you understand. You don't leave your home. If you do, he will just move the other woman right in. You stay. If he wants her so badly, let him leave.
Hang in there.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I will stay home as long as necessary (i.e. getting papers in order, findig the place I really want to live in etc) but not passed it. I don't find it being easier to be around him. I have too much resentment and anger in me that surfaces every time I see him. The lies and deceptions of the whole family put a lot of things in perspective. You said it yourself: he does not sound like a good human being. I feel that the love I have in me and the mourning after loosing it is for someone I thought I had. Maybe at the beginning he was a different person (or maybe I was just blinded by my emotions) but whatever caused him to react to my actions the way he did, to bottle up the pain that he has in him caused him to become someone else. Someone that I would have never consider a possibility to be the love of my life.
I believe NOPkins was actually trying to suggest that YOU don't leave the house, he does. Doing this would help to better protect your interests. Also, he has someone he's involved with right...well we already know that, sorry not trying to be hurtful here ok...but he's got somewhere to go...let her deal with him.
I absolutely unerstand what you guys say but: 1. I cannot afford the house (we just refinanced it to 15 year and paid off the home equity line used to pay for kitchen remodeling, new windows and a car that we since traded in) it is about $2400 a month just in morgage and I have student loans, car payments utilities, food etx that would bring it to over $3000 on monthly basis. I would not be able to make it. 2. I respect the fact that this house has more meaning to him than me because he put down downpayment with the money he got from his dad's life insurance - something that he feels extremely strong about. 3. Very hight chances of him not being able to keep the house either due to not getting a raise this year plus financial costs of the D (he needs to pay me off to keep the house). 4. I am only going to move out once all the things are buttoned up and there is no misunderstanding about what it rightfully mine.
So even though he really should be the one that leaves, he is actually worst off staying so I can take it (that's the little evil in me) and make day out of it. When it comes to OW - she appears to be high maintanance and driving to see him 45 min by bus will be trying for their new love but hey! If it's true love then they'll survive. Plus she lives in the city so it's most likely that he'll shack up with her when needed regardless where he'll end up living.
Do whatever you feel you do need to do, just make sure your interests are covered I just wanted to make sure you didn't misunderstand what NOPkins was trying to say....that's so easy to do when going through something like this.
I absolutely understood NOPkins. I am aware that what he says (not ready to jump into relationship because of the stress and pain) and what he does (not even worth reapting myself) are lies, deceptions and games. I am sure that he cannot wait for me to be out so he can do whatever he pleases without feeling ackward and guilty. He was very clear in the e-mail I found about his plans so it's not surprise or news to me what NOPkins is saying. Except that sticking it out would be more difficult for me and it's not what I need. I need to take care of myself now, he is responsible for his own actions and that's my motto.
(that's the little evil in me) and make day out of it.
I just wanted to make sure you didn't misunderstand what NOPkins was trying to say....that's so easy to do when going through something like this.