You don't need to know much about her to put your foot down with you H now do you? And as far as being sure she's not married...I know you want to still harbor some trust in your H...but set that aside for now. There are many men who have EA's with married women. That happens every day unfortunately.
I believe what the majority of us on here are trying to say to you is protect yourself legally/financially & healthwise. He's done/or is still doing something and has been blaming it on you...he chose the affiar, you didn't go pick her out for him. And believe that he may be asking you to do things sexually that she does for him, things you aren't comfortable with...and that is controlling behavior.
Are you intending on having him tested for STD's or are you going to turn a blind eye to the fact that he may be passing these on to you? You don't know who this OW has been with, and that's the truth. She may look like someone who looks squeaky clean and couldn't possibly have STD's...but lets face it, you can't tell by looking at someone. She may have had something passed on to her by someone else, then your husband gets it. It happens A LOT!
You have every right to make a clean bill of health from him a condition of further sex. That's not withholding, that's protecting yourself...and that's just a smart thing to do. I'm sure he won't like you requesting that, but that's too bad! He went out on you, and probably still is...why should you trust that he doesn't harbor these things?
It's really important that right now you don't give him too much credit. I'm sure you want to give him the benefit of the doubt...but lets face it, the doubt weighs pretty heavily right now.
