I've just gone back and read through several of your posts on different BB's. With some of the responses you've received on the different BB's I have no doubt you're feeling TERRIBLY confused at this point...who could blame you?
For the most part I have to agree with what NOPkins says...and add this to it. When it comes to sex, if you choose to continue (which I wouldn't if he's still seeing OW)...don't do anything that you are uncomfortable with and that's not true to you. Lets face it not everyone can perform anal sex, for some it's just too painful. And when someone continually asks for something you aren't able to do (and perhaps the OW can) it's humiliating as well.
I definitely agree that you should insist he be tested for STD's. You aren't using condoms and you know as well as anyone else that he's putting YOU at risk too.
It's very obvious to me that you love your H very much and that makes your situation very difficult, understandably. But use common sense in this situation and protect yourself as best you can...consult an attorney for what you can do to protect yourself legally/financially. And, if I were you until you know there is no OW in the picture, and he's been checked for STD's...I wouldn't be having sex with him either.
I'm sorry you're going through this. But try to take a step back and look at the facts of what's going on in your M as objectively as you can...write them down if you must. He made the choice to have an EA, blaming you is just an excuse on his part...HE MADE THE CHOICE. Lots of people have marriages that are lacking in one aspect or another...but they don't cheat. Don't let him use you as the scapegoat
I'm not sure I was of much help here...just wanted to chime in and give some support.
