Quote: Hey, she'd do anything for a pet from Timmie, so maybe there is a connection. Especially if your man's name is Tim, LOLOL.
Nope it's not Tim...but hey..whatever works
Quote: I am really honest about my feelings, my reactions to him, my opinion of his behavior (workin on that one ) etc.
I'm making progress there...but I'm definitely not good at it yet, but I'm trying.
Quote: What I am NOT forthcoming about--and I just discovered this recently--is my own sexual wishes and wants and needs. I tend to downplay them so as not to freak him out and overwhelm him. I tend to minimize what I want so he doesn't think I'm weird or nutz.
Oh man! Me too! Doesn't that just frustrate the heck out of you too!? This is something I'm really working on, but it's still very difficult for me to express what I want/need sexually in the moment. That's my own thing that I'm working on...I really don't think my H still has any idea of just how shy I really am and how hard this really is for me too.
Quote: Is there some part of ME that thinks that my wishes are unreasonable? Have I bought into his accusation that I am unreasonable in my sexual requests? If so, why have I allowed that to happen?
Lets face it...after being told for so long that you are being unreasonable (when you aren't) it's bound to rub off a bit. I liken it to someone who is being emotionally/mentally abused...put down for so long, eventually they start to believe they aren't worth loving and can't do anything right. It's pretty similar really if you think about it. No, it's not mental abuse...but it is conditioning...so after awhile of this conditioning you do start to 2nd guess yourself. So stop it, you aren't being unreasonable....Hey! Maybe I should take my own advise on that one
Quote: After all, he is VERY forthright about what his sexual expectations are and what he is wanting, so what is preventing me from laying my own stuff on the line?
The simple fact that he's made is seem so unreasonable in the past and has rejected you time and time again...that's a hard thing to get past...and you're doing really well at it!!! Keep it up.
Quote: This, imo, is a double edged sword. Perhaps at first there is some merit to downplaying your needs so that your partner is not completely freaked, but at some point you have to get real.
Absolutely!!! I think that's the point you and I are both at right now...and it's difficult/uncomfortable to get real with your spouse. I mean lets face it...if we show them who we really are that gives them the power to hurt us all over again...and who wants to go through that? But if we don't expose who we are then how can we expect them to love & accept us the way we are and in turn fulfill our needs?
Quote: Sometimes you have to face some really harsh feelings that come from your partner's direction in order to be able to feel immense hurt and then move on to the next phase.
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