Quote: I think somehow it's related to 2 things: it's a control issue for him & somehow this is related to his mother.
My guess is that it's BINGO on both counts. However it's going to take some doing to get through both issues...but it can be done...that's what my H and I are dealing with right now too.
For my H it was a definite control issue in the fact that his past relationships were with very controlling/dominate women. They used sex as a weapon (withheld it, told him he wasn't normal for wanting it when he did etc.) and that's pretty much all he's ever known since he was a young man. So this time, when he married me out of self-defense he began to treat me as though I would behave the same way they did in any given situation. One mistake though, I'm nothing like them. I'm not controlling, don't desire to be. So he began to really push me away, especially after the birth of our S. He would actually do things that would by all rights elicit the response he thought he'd receive from his ex's....his behavior did two things. Alienate me & punish me for things I hadn't even done. It took our initial C to get him to see how Narcassistic he was being....it actually came out of his own mouth.
Quote: I need to think something might work in order to put the energy into this that it needs
Ok, not to sound rough on you here. But there is no guarantee that any particular thing will work on anyone...that's why you have to try different things. Don't use this as an excuse...cuz that's exactly what it sounds like, sorry just giving you an outsiders perspective. I kept trying with my H until something did work...lots of failed tries, but something eventually paid off. And just to let you know the C was able to get through to him when I couldn't.
Quote: H brought up going to C once during a really bad time, but never went through with it. Last night I brought it up and he said that he had nothing to say to a C and wouldn't waste the money period.
It's interesting how people will not "waste" the money on a C, but they'll throw it away in a divorce.
Quote: It is, however, going to be one of the things I insist on tonight
I had to insist as well...actually my words were "either we seek counseling, or we won't have another anniversary." But that was what I was willing to go through with, it's different for everyone. And as for looking for a good C, if you have an Employee Assistance Program through work that's an excellent place to start, otherwise you can do a search on the internet and there's often referral services you can find as well.
Quote: I am also going to demand the testosterone check.
At least tell him you want a complete physical done on him to rule that out as a possibility.
Quote: I am kind of afraid though, I am too hopeful that T could be the problem
I understand, I was hoping that was the problem for us as well, I was actually really disappointed when everything came back normal...if it was medical I felt that could be easily dealt with. Emotional stuff is so much more difficult...and my hunch is, that's what you're going to be dealing with.
Quote: I can’t initiate because he never accepts
What's his reason for rejecting you?
Quote: Where is the land of enchantment? Orlando, FL?
