I don't know if this is any consolation or not for you but I have a hunch that your H's LD problems go deeper than sex.
I swear I think somehow it's related to 2 things: it's a control issue for him & somehow this is related to his mother. I think she's been giving him advice, although I'm not sure of the goal of that advice. But that is a totally taboo topic for H. I can't mention the fact that I think he is trying to re-create his mother's relationship with his step-father without him going ballistic & telling me to leave his mother out of our problems. Fair enough, but I swear she's been telling him something to encourage this. She's also told me a few times that I shouldn't be expecting sex very often at this stage in our relationship, so there is definately something there. Especially since I wasn't asking her for related advice nor have I EVER discussed this problem with her, so H maybe is, & who knows what she's telling him.
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What have you done (alone or as a couple) in the past to try to work through this? Counseling, Dr's, avoidance, patience, anything?
Not a flip question at all, and I probably haven't done enough yet... I certainly haven't worn out all options yet (but I need to think something might work in order to put the energy into this that it needs). We have talked, argued, screamed, promised and threatened. Sometimes things improve for a while. H brought up going to C once during a really bad time, but never went through with it. Last night I brought it up and he said that he had nothing to say to a C and wouldn't waste the money period. It is, however, going to be one of the things I insist on tonight. Actually, I don't really know where to look for one. I'd like a C who is goal oriented and in favor of fixing problems. I guess I'll be doing some research to find one this week.
I am also going to demand the testosterone check. I am kind of afraid though, I am too hopeful that T could be the problem, and of course there is a relatively easy cure. I am going to be sooo disappointed if this turns out not to be the problem.
Quote: Let me ask you this as well....has your H had a pattern of initiating in your relationship...or should I say a lack of it?
Actually, in the beginning, he did initiate, he wanted it more than I did, although I doubt I ever said no. And he always accepted my advances. This until we moved in together when it dramatically dropped from daily to once every 2 weeks. Which he initiated about half the time. (over the years this dropped to once every 1-2 months, and now to absolute nothing.) Actually most of the time when we did still ML, it was technically initiated by him. He refuses all of my advances, and when I’m sooo frustrated I can’t take it anymore, he waits a few days, then he initiates sex to put me in a better mood and he admitted that this was the only reason he did it…And no, it doesn’t put me in a better mood, I feel like an a$$ for taking whatever he gives me, and I rarely get O out of this, it’s not exactly great stuff, less enthusiasm than cleaning the bathroom, and more or less the same approach. Now I’m thinking the temporary high amount of ML from oct-dec was just to get me preg. & I’m at a frustrating impasse: I can’t initiate because he never accepts & I can’t take the rejection, but I have no way to get him to initiate
