Laurie: As to whether moving to separate rooms is counter productive, you will find that people here have differing opinions. One camp says that if you move out, the LD spouse actually likes it because then they don't have to deal with the "pressure" of you asking for sex each night (note here that "pressure" can sometimes be defined as merely your presence in a room). The other camp says that moving out can be a step in a series of "consequences" to the LD's refusal to deal with the problem. For example, you have a conversation with your S and tell them that things have to change or there will be consequences. You tell them what these consequences will be, e.g., first, you will move out of the bedroom, then you will move out of the house, then you will file for legal separation, then file for divorce. Granted, there can be several other steps in there, in addition to consequences before you move out of the bedroom. But I would say that it is important that you have the conversation where you set forth your boundaries ("I will no longer settle for a sexless marriage"); tell the S of the consequences ("If things don't change, I will, first, move out of the bedroom"); and then--very importantly--follow through. Don't mention a consequence unless you are truly committed to carrying it out. Otherwise, you will be seen as manipulative, naggy, and full of empty threats.
Another book which has helped me was "Boundaries in Marriage". I can't remember who the authors were, but it's on Amazon, of course.
