I am in need of help, I just ordered the books, but until they come... I need some advise about how to begin...
An introduction: H=37LD, Me=32HD, new baby=3 months
I had an ultimatum argument with husband today, we are supposed to have a calmer discussion tomarrow after he gets home from work. I got online this evening to look for help and found this site, so I have my fingers crossed.

We have had problems with disparate sex drives for the last 4 years (odddly, our first year together we had sex every day and he had no problems, even initiated). With each major relationship milestone there have been significant drops in our sex life: moving in together, getting married, and now, having a baby.
I would also like to say that in every other aspect, he is the perfect h, helps with house and baby, cooks, is nice to me in all other aspects... is even affectionate and cuddly. But he will not kiss me more than a peck, nothing you couldn't do with your own mother. And the "peck" is as close to ML as we've been since I found out I was pregnant. Now the baby is 3 months old I couldn't take it anymore today and gave him an ultimatum, either we seek help or I'm leaving him.
We haven't ML since feb. & even before that it was just once a month, barely, and mostly I guilted, pressured and begged him into it and it wasn't any good anyways since he was pretty half-hearted about it. I've seriously felt like I was violating him by emotionally pressuring him, and on my end I can no longer take the humiliation of begging and the constant rejection.
So now I'm pretty much at the end of my rope so to speak...

Today I mentioned "sex" for the first time since we stopped because of the pregnancy, and I went the whole pregnancy without mentioning sex. And to be honest, last night I had tried to see if getting him drunk might get him in the mood spontaniously, but he picked a fight about something stupid once he realized what I was trying to do. Today he (once again) told me that I am a nympho for wanting sex once every 1-2 weeks (not that I wouldn't take once a month with feeling), and when I said that there was no such thing as a real relationship without sex he says I'm rediculous, that sex has nothing to do with a relationship, that he loves me but he just doesn't want to have sex (ever).
He has assured me on several ocassions that he is not having an affair, not gay and that it's not me, he just doesn't want sex, and that not wanting sex at all is perfectly normal.
I am really suffering from the lack of feeling desirable, especially with the birth of my first child, and like many other posters here have toyed with the idea of an affair.
I am now afraid that, especially since it's been so long, even if he did allow me to ML to him, I wouldn't be able to get over my resentment.
So until I receive the books, I need some advise as to where to begin. I do love my h and would still like to save my marriage, but this is not something I am willing to just live with.
I have also been toying with the idea of asking him to sleep in the guest room as his presence in bed just makes my frustration worse, making me a less nice person.
-Oh and of course, when I brought up the problem of ML (and the lack thereof) today he was completely surprised, he had no idea that there was a problem. (even though we have had this discussion about every 2 months prior to my getting pregnant) he seemed to believe that I had forgotten about ML and that I was never going to want it again.

So, how should I approach him in tomorrow's discussion? What should my goals for this be? I apreciate any help in advance...
Laurie